boyfriend always on the internet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
boyfriend always on the internet.
2
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 1:00pm
My boyfriend is online at all times and talks to all kinds of people. I'm with him every weekend and at times he gets IM's from different people (whom he's never met) and he talks to them. He goes to school full time and works part-time but most of his time is spent online...playing poker, reading posts, chatting with people and playing other dumb games online...

Even though he talks to different people in my precense and allows me to read I still don't like him being online so much. I honestly feel insecure that one day he'll meet a girl and will cheat on me...lately i've seen some new screen names that he's added to his buddy list and i did a little research and those names are from girls. Those girls never IM him when i'm around but now i feel the urge to snoop in his computer and i don't want to do that. I want to trust him. I asked him about the new names and he claims that they have been on his buddy list for years. I KNOW for a fact that those screen names were not there...belive me i pay attention. Anyhow, I'm taking his word for it and if he says he's not talking to girls i will belive him. I want to trust him but i'm having trouble doing that.I read posts here all the time of men cheating on their significant others with people they met online....How healthy is this behavior? Should i be concern? I'm trying my best to get him out to do stuff but lately the majority of our weekends are spent with me sitting on his bed watching tv while he sits by his computer all day...i'm getting sick of this but don't know how to deal with it.

any advice?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:29pm
Ok...so you KNOW for a fact he lied to you about the names on his buddy list, but you're going to take him at his word???? Um, why would you do that???

You need to tell him, "LOOK, I know those names weren't on your list earlier, so you need to come clean about them or I'm not ever going to be able to trust another word out of your mouth."

And that's just one issue (although a big one...someone who lies about one thing is very likely to lie about other things). The other huge issue is that his time online is taking away from his spending time with you. That certainly wouldn't be acceptable to me and it was one of the reasons I ended things with my last long-term BF (he played computer games for hours on end and never did anything with me; I finally couldn't take it any longer). I would let him know that you need more of his time and attention or you are going to have to move on.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 2:48pm
Haven't you figured it out...he doesn't "get along' with people, he doesn't have his own personal interests and goals and hobbies and pursuits.

That is why the 'fantasy world' of the computer is so attractive. He can be whoever he wants, whatever he claims - he can get into all kinds of "fictious" options and opportunties - that in real life he's too insecure, immature, and lacking in pro-active pursuit of a "real life" to have.

Notice he prefers computer time...to you. That's really what you're upset about, I suspect.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com