boyfriend and best friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2011
boyfriend and best friend.
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 2:17pm

Alright so I've been seeing one of my friend's ex's. She was a very close friend years ago, but our relationship has dwindled. They were broken up for two years before we got together, but my friend was totally in love with him when they were dating, he broke her heart, and it took her a very long time to get over him, even when she has had other boyfriends, she was still hung up on him. I thought it was just going to be a fling, so I didn't think it would be worth it to create a situation and the inevitable drama it would cause. so we kept it on the DL. Now it's been 6 months, and we've become more serious than initially anticipated. He told me the ball was totally in my court as to when to tell her about us, since they didn't maintain a friendship after the break up. Well, now my friend recently got broken up with and is sending flirty text messages to my boyfriend/her ex. He messaged her back saying he was seeing someone, she claimed her messaging was all innocent, but now she keeps trying to get him to hang out with her and give her attention. Her persistence is definitely affecting our relationship. Do I tell her? How do I tell her? Do I walk away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 2:48pm


well? Your bfriend was fair game and the fact that you both waited two years is commendable..

So here is my two cents.. If has nothing to do with this woman. It has all to do with your boyfriend. Tell him to stop texting her and leave her alone. He should be talking to you and not her.. He should tell her to back off and he wants nothing to do with her. End of story.

Its none of her business who you or he date as its been a long time.

You need to communicate with boyfriend and not this woman..

If he does not stop communicating with her then you have to make the decision of moving on or not..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2011
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 3:02pm

additional info- i like the part about it's none of her business! although, the thing that sucks is that we're all kind of part of this social circle, and now she's showing up to things she knows my boyfriend goes to, like the guys do bowling every monday night, and she's going tonight. and he's not going just because he knows that he's the only reason she's going. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 3:28pm

I think if there's a chance that you are all going to run into each other since you have mutual friends, you or he should just come right out & tell her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 4:41pm

There is a kind of girlfriend's code about these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 12:15am

Your title says "best friend"........your post says the friendship has dwindled over the years.

He broke her heart two years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:07pm

You probably don't want to hear it, but here it is anyway: This situation is your fault. This is what happens when you live dishonestly, even when you are doing it to protect someone else's feelings. The truth always comes out, and lying is too complicated. Whether it was just a fling or not is irrelevant.

From my perspective, you didn't respect her enough to tell her the truth. Some "best friend".

Tell the truth, get it over with, and let her decide to take it well or not. Then you'll have your work cut out for you.