Boyfriend Asked for a Break-Long Sorry.
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| Wed, 07-14-2004 - 6:46am |
FF to this past Sunday. His best friend and last single buddy got married on the 4th of July to his GF of 5 years. They had been talking about getting married as long as I'd know then but suddenly found themselves pregenant so got married. My BF said "I say the fear in my friend's eye's and it made me think - I don't know what I want". So that launched into he'd marry me rather than never see me again but thats not the reason to do it. I didn't say a whole lot of anything and let him talk, accepted what he said and said ok fine if that's what you want. I was going to leave to go home but spent the night because it was late and its a 90 mile drive.
The next morning I got up for work, got ready, skipped my usual habit going in and waking him and saying good bye. Instead I quietly slipped out the door, leaving my key to his house on the counter next to his wallet. He called me 30 mins later to find out why I hadn't woken him up and I said "because you were asleep" - I think he knew why I didn't wake him up because we're on a break and I just wanted a quiet exit and a break is different then when you're a couple....
A couple of hrs later he called me at work - he'd noticed the key -- I said I didn't want to discuss it but would later. He called later that night and I told him I didn't think I needed it if we were on a break. He said I didn't say I didn't want to see you for 6 months. Repeated he didn't know what he wanted - and I said I can't help you with that, I dont understand it but there is nothing I can do. Also he's still wanting me to go on vacation at the end of the month with him and his extended family. I don't get it - at all. Yesterday, he emailed me good morning at work (a usual as long as I've known him), called me at lunch - just to say hi - I wasn't there so he was emailing asking if i'm not taking his calls. He called last night and I didn't hear the phone - I got the same are you not taking my calls.
I'm at a loss. So far the only difference here is that normally i'd be going to his place on night a week and the weekend and he didn't mention my coming over. But he's almost more concerned about talking to me and following the same patterns. What kinda break is that? What exactly should I be doing? What is he doing? Should I go on the vacation and see what happens from there?
Any advice would be great -- I know this is long but I wanted to give the full picture!
Thanks

And you're "wondering" why he's sending all these "mixed signals".
He's not....basically he's told you how it is - he doesn't know what he wants in life, he's not wanting his feelings to entirely direct his focus but feelings are there (about you and everything else) and he just doesn't want to spin himself into more turmoil and limbo in the feelings department - while he figures out what he wants in life, where he wants to be and how he's going to get there.
Think of it like this...he's got a 12 line phone...and every option and opportunity and situation that is available to him is on one line or another. He keeps putting some things on hold to talk/pursue other things or figure things out...he just keeps coming back to anybody or anything that is on hold to make sure they're still on hold and an option for him - should he choose them.
If YOU want to be on hold...as in you want him in your life and a life with him on his terms and by his standards so much that you won't "pursue your own life" while he "makes up his mind" - go ahead. But don't blame him if he doesn't "pick you" or if he does and your future isn't what you want - realize that all you prioritized was him and this relationship and that is why your future is what it is.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com