boyfriend cheated, im pregnant? help
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| Sun, 09-28-2008 - 11:05am |
hello, I am a 22 years old college 5th yr student, with still 2 years to go, just last thursday I found out I was pregnant. and then Just on Saturday I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. we have been together 4 and a half years, and I am not sure what to do.
He was intending on breaking up with me over the weekend when we saw each other (I go to school 3 hours away from home, so we do not see each other very often)... and I was planning on telling him about the pregnancy at the same time. the weekend came and my aunt and uncle were also spending the night with us.. we went out drinking (it was hard to refrain from drinking without anyone finding out but I did it) I wanted to enjoy the night and make sure my boyfriend was having a good time (he hadnt told me yet)..
he ended up getting drunk and throwing up on the way home, and i decided to wait until sunday to tell him, I wanted him to be of clear mind. saturday night I was setting up the air mattress in my living room for my aunt and uncle when i decided to turn his phone on silent so that no one would wake up if it rang. When i picked up his phone i noticed a text message that hit me so hard, I fell down crying. The text message stated "i miss you too baby I can't wait til you get home and we can be together" I decided I needed to know more, and because my boyfriend was passed out sleeping i read the rest of the messages, they were all about how much he missed her, and when he hugged me he thought of her, I was soo hurt.
I ended up not telling him about the pregnancy because I wanted to get through this before we started talking about that, I wanted to know if he had made a mistake and was going to fix it, or if things were really over, I never wanted him to choose me simply because of the baby.... I wanted the feelings to be real...
we decided on sunday to give it another chance, but things were still bumpy... so I decided to wait to tell him until we had gotten a little better, I always imagined telling the father and it being an amazing time. i got through the next couple days and when I was checking to pay our cell phone bill online I noticed that he had still been communicating with her, a Lot... and my trust was already diminishing that I was scared. it turned out he lied to me again, and he was back with her, and they had slept together on tuesday night. (before this he swears he had only kissed her).
he came back to new york to visit me, and was so dead straight on breaking it off that I had no choice but it tell him, I couldn't keep it a secret forever. the minute i told him, he immediately asked me for another chance, he immediately said he wanted to try to find that feeling again, for the baby.
I am home now and he is working (with her) and I find it hard to believe that he has given up on her, and he is actually going to try, he doesn't kiss me, he doesn't hold me... and he barely looks me in the eye.
the hardest part of all if he thinks I am making up the pregnancy to keep him, and I even went to the doctors on friday to confirm but he still does not believe me.... im not sure what else I can do.
I guess the advice I am asking for is what should I do. should I give him another chance (btw this is the THIRD time he has cheated in the past 4 years, that I know about)... or should I go through this with the support of my family without him.
I still have not told my parents just 2 friends, and him. and he has told me that he told her and that is it.
things are getting bad I am nauseous all the time, and when I ask him for support he just says "me too" instead of helping me through it, yesterday I went to the book store and I bought him a book for the expectant father, and he just looked at me and said "i don't read"
he is afraid I will never trust him again, and... so am I, what if I can never find it in my heart to trust him again, what if I give him another chance because of the baby and something happens (miscarriage) what if he leaves me because I am not longer carrying his child... I don't need him to survive anymore, im just not sure if he deserves a chance, and I know damn well that I want my child to have 2 parents who are together..
I guess im just really confused... please help.

<< I guess the advice I am asking for is what should I do. should I give him another chance (btw this is the THIRD time he has cheated in the past 4 years, that I know about)... or should I go through this with the support of my family without him.
I agree with starbuck completely.
It takes a very low, very twisted man to cheat under these circumstances, let alone ANY circumstances. If he can't stay faithful to you in four years, what do you expect for the next forty? If fidelity is important to you at all, you will have to find it in someone else. This one isn't capable of that. This was not just a one night stand. Your life will be more peaceful without him.
What a difficult time for you.
Welcome to the board jlwright11586,
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