Boyfriend Commenting on My Weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2008
Boyfriend Commenting on My Weight
3
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 11:54am

I've been seeing this guy for about three months now.


We've had a series of problems, one major one being that he doesn't pay for anything. From our first date onward, he has never taken me out or paid for anything. We've split or I've paid for it. He lives about 25 minutes outside of the city i'm in, and, since I have a car, constantly drive and pick him up, even though he is easily accessible to public transport. Finally, he paid for my gas once because i complained about filling up my tank twice a week, which was a large part due to him.


I guess when I think about it, he's never complimented me. The occasional, I miss you, I like hanging out with you. he likes to stare at me for long periods of time and make me uncomfortable..hes asked me how much i weigh before and got mad when i wouldnt tell him.He has never told me i'm physically attractive or anything...so i guess i should have seen this coming.


The other night, as i was about to go out with friends, he asks me to tell him how i find him attractive, how 'hot' is he, etc. i felt that this was silly and a bit narcissistic, so i avoided it. i could tell it was important to him, so the next morning i told him id give him a '9' . i said he had a hot body, really cute, and a few other very nice compliments. i also threw in that 10 would the hottest guy in the world, ie, johnny depp, so a 9 is kick ass in my book!


So i decided to ask him to 'rate' me. he made me promise dont get offended..blah blah. and he told me i was a 7. i asked why...and he said you're not bad looking, its just that you could start a workout plan. he didn't tell me i was cute...or any examples or anything. so i pushed him on this. what do you mean? what are you saying? and he told me that i have a job, but after work i could be hitting the gym. finally he said "it wouldnt hurt if you lost a couple pounds"


Ouch. I don't know if this has ever happened to you, but when the person you are sleeping with says this, it stings. You suddenly feel like everytime they've seen you naked or touched you, they probably were disgusted with you. This is doubly hurtful because i told him i had weight problems in high school (an eating disorder...) and he still said this.


He flipped out and said that he was being honest and that i had asked for him to be honest.


I ended my relationship with him. I was a large size 10 and now Im starting to wear 8's! I started weight watchers about two months ago and have lost 15 pounds. I'm really excited about this weight loss and for doing it the healthy way...yes, i do go to the gym. Not everyday like him for hours...3 times a week for an hour. He liked to laugh at this.


Was i being dramatic by

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 12:37pm

He sounded like a complete ass to begin with. Yes you did ask for him to be honest, therefore you shouldn't be TOO surprised at receiving an honest answer. But I think "rating" one another is extremely uncalled for and opens yourself to unnecessary cruelty. It's a relationship not a reality show. He could have been just as upset that you compared him below Johnny Depp. Still, he displayed every sign of being a total jerk (really? he pestered you for how much you weigh?) and you probably should have dumped him a lot earlier than you did.

In the future I would warn you against taking the "rate me" bait from a guy.

Date someone who thinks you're a 10 and tells you so.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 1:12pm

Frankly I can't believe you lasted as long as you did with this chump!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 2:52pm

Welcome to the board peaches1186,


I was ready to tell you to dump him when you said it had only been 3 months and he's never paid for anything.