boyfriend doesn't trust the person I am
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boyfriend doesn't trust the person I am
| Thu, 05-13-2004 - 10:11am |
My boyfriend of 9 months has some trust issues. He says that over the past several weeks, since he has started to see me more as an ideal partner for him, he has become very sensitive to picking out even the slightest of things in whatever I do, say, laugh about, etc that don't quite add up to the person he has always seen me as being. We have very similar personalities, but he will find himeself pondering whether we are all that similar and compatible after all, he says he has been questioning the parts of my personality that he loves most. He feels embarrassed, that the thoughts going through his mind are often ridiculous but he can't seem to control them, and I'm worried he will lose faith in our ability to stick by eachother in tough periods such as this, he has already said to me that the fact these thoughts are occurring have made him feel so uncomfortable that our relationship doesn't feel right to him at the moment. However, I know that he still loves me, and deep down he wants to save this. He didn't decide to tell me about it until little under a week ago, which I'm gathering may have something to do with how bad it has become. We're in a long distance relationship, but see eachother most weekends, and when I go see him tomorrow we have planned to talk in more depth about who we are as people, giving him reassurance and helping us to understand eachother even more so. Can anybody relate here? Are there any suggestions as to how we can save our relationship?

First of all, you can't stay in a relationship happily where you are always under scrutiny and have to live up to some "image" of who your boyfriend wants you to be. Not only is this an unbearable pressure on you, but it's unfair to expect this. Each peson is who they are. They have a right to be that way. If their partner is so insecure and controlling that they question every little aspect of that, the partner needs help with thier own insecurity. Your boyfriend needs to understand what's going on in his head. It's unhealthy and has nothing to do with you. You do not have to reassure him about anything about yourself. You are as you are. And beyond that, as years go by, you will change as will he. That's simply the nature of living. If he can't accept differences between the two of you, change and many aspects of a person, he's not able or ready to be in a relationship with anyone. Tell him to get some professional counselling with his own fears and doubts. Then think carefully if this is a good situation for you.
Best wishes.
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