Boyfriend friends with a girl at work and it's making me very uncomfortable, what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2011
Boyfriend friends with a girl at work and it's making me very uncomfortable, what should I do?
11
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 11:37pm

My boyfriend of 5 years has made friends with a girl at his work and now they are texting each other.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

He cheated on you, and you think you forgave him, but of course you didn't......because you don't trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

if he hadn't already cheated on you, then I would say the texts are pretty innocent. But two years after his cheating, you indicate that you still don't trust him. A relationship is NOTHING without trust. So why did you stay? I'm honestly not a believer in staying with a cheater, no matter how much repentance or begging for forgiveness there is. This guy isn't your husband. If he cheats after two years, think about the rest of your life with him when your relationship goes through difficult times... Those years will be a lot more trying.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004

I think you are right, there is an attraction going on. It is the main reason likely, that he is "friends" with her. When he is going out of his way to "show you" that he is not cheating, that he is "innocently" texting this girl, that tells me he is trying too hard to convince you, which tells me he is trying to cover up the attraction. Attraction doesn't have to mean he will cheat, but he does have this history of this little thing called cheating. Some guys feel the need to stroke their egos by being overly friendly with women, I suspect he is doing that here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think that cheaters do not always have to be habitual cheaters--there are certainly some people who are chronic cheaters and should never be trusted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

You know, this post combined with your other one, it is obvious to me that your boyfriend has no respect for you. Why do you stay? Give me a reason besides "because I love him". This is a terrible relationship, and terrible relationships (not necessarily abusive ones) damage our sanity. It is not a sane decision to move in with a guy whose living situation you hate, who doesn't respect you, who for God's sake keeps his pit bull closed up in his room all day. You think you will be able to make this situation better by having more control over it, but I think you will be sorely disappointed. I hope you can find a counselor to help you guide you through a difficult time in your life. I have a therapist myself and she is invaluable to me. I wonder what it is going to take for you to walk away. You weren't able to tear yourself away fro him when he cheated on you, I'm not sure what it will take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Could you be codependent in this relationship?

You feel if you and your BF move in together, it will resolve the existing problems you currently have.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

You've got your posts & replies mixed up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
A whole different post, but the same girl.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002

Same girl, new conflict.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I TRIED a "quick reply" to apologize......I HATE these boards now......everything is so screwed up......as far as I can tell, it never showed up.

Anyway, sorry about that.

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