Boyfriend growing distant/uninterested?
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| Fri, 11-16-2007 - 10:26pm |
Hello, first time posting and would love some feedback.
I'm 21 dating a 27 year old pilot. When we met he wasn't working and we spent a lot of time together. We have been together 10 months, and I feel like he's grown distant the past month. Here's some history from the last month:
I saw that he had been looking at a picture of his ex in underwear while he was away. When I asked him about it, he apologized and deleted them. He said he just needed something to look at while he was away (away meaning flying somewhere).
I've been feeling a little insecure since then. He stays at a hotel to be closer to work, which wasn't uncommon, but has been staying there more and more. If he's away for a week, he'll see me one day, and then spend three nights at the hotel. The hotel is 20 minutes from my house. When I bring up driving over the see him, he's always busy or too tired. Then he tells me that I was pressuring him to see him. We used to see each other almost every day of the week, now it's down to 2 days. I felt he was growing distant. When I asked him he just told me that it's more convenient for him to stay at the hotel. I told him that I don't feel that he cares, and his response was, "Of course I care I'm still with you."
Now he's a very independent man and involves himself in many activities. I will be dragged places for him to do what he likes, and wait around bored for hours, yet, there are things I've wanted to do that I've told him I've wanted to do, that we have never done. I don't get it. It's my birthday on Monday and we're spending Saturday night away. He has to work Monday morning, yet he's not sure if he can make it in (from the hotel-20 mins away) to see me on my actual birthday (yet we took a 4 day weekend for his and he made sure I had his birthday off).
I feel like when I bring anything up he doesn't want to hear it. Yet, I've told him I don't feel that he cares, yet he hasn't done anything to show me otherwise. I saw him Monday, and he's been at the hotel each night since then.
What should I do-tell him how much it would mean to me if he would drive 20 minutes to see me? Or just wait things out? Or, should I think about ending things? I'm so confused. And, some of my friends think that it's suspicious that we've never said, "I love you".
Any help any one has to offer would be greatly appreciated!

Do you even like this guy? You seem like very different people who have different expectations. He sees you as nagging and pressuring him, and doesn't want to come see you anymore, so he backs away.
Sure he might care about you, but the most likely interpretation of your situation is simply that you're growing apart. At 10 months with someone, that is extremely common. More common than staying together. You're not married or engaged - if things aren't working then you have to consider the possibility that they just AREN'T going to work. Forcing a relationship that doesn't feel right is not in your best interest at this point. I understand that you want to fight for this guy but you should NEVER have to fight to keep a guy interested in you. That part is 100% him. If he's losing interest then you'll have to cut your losses.
It's OKAY to say "listen this isn't working for me".
Welcome to the board feliciasmith80,
While reading your post, I kept wanting to say "He's just not that into you" - have you read that book by Greg Behrendt?