boyfriend has broken my heart & soul

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
boyfriend has broken my heart & soul
2
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 11:41am
HI, i desesperately need help on a huge relationship problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 1year and 9 month. We met and supposly we fall inlove at first sight and then six months later we moved in together at my parents house with plans of marriage after 6 months later. Our relationship has been bad and good. Our character are very strong and we fight and then get happy again like any other relationship. The issue here is that it's been 1 yr and 3 months and nothing happens. 4 months ago he still thought about it like me ofcourse but then i got pregnant eventhough i was on birthcontrol pills for 2 years. Well he didn't want the baby because he told me he is not ready. Well i was so sad depressed and didn't even know what the hell i was going to do, so i pushed him to understand the issue but still he kept his word and mind that we didn't need a baby. Well at the end i went to have a abortion and than i thought we were going to be together and get married, finish school but make our plans now for later but i asked him couple of days ago and he changed his mind aobut it. He said i love you but i don't want to get married now, he said i am not ready yet. I was so sad, disgusted and i started arguing with him that why he didn't say that before we got into so much problems or strong situations. Why he never decided before we move in together. Well i told him to move out if he is not ready and he said that why because he loves me but he still wants to just be living together. I am so hurt even destroyed. I am so sensitive and i feel that this break up its going to kill me, i have been crying even he is still with me. I am in such a depression just waiting for the day that he leaves. I don't know what to do. He havent decide what to do and by the way in July 12, 04 he will be going to his Country for vacation for 1 1/2 and he told me that he will think about it if we should make plans for marriage or wait. And i feel so sad because i told him that there is nothing to think about. Please help me. Should i just be strong to let him go?, Should i wait for him to decide? Does he really love me? Well i forgot that since i had the abortion we haven't had sex its been 4mths now. He never pressured me but he used to always try. I told him to give me more time because i was kind of hur. I really love him and like him so much and I feel he does too. I am mexican and he is Turkish and I am 27 will be 28 soon and he is 24 years old. Please help me soon. Thank you so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 12:40pm
Oh man. There have been so many bad decisions made here its hard to know where to start. First, your parents actually let a guy move in to THEIR home...with you? Why did they allow this? Most parents would be either enraged or heartbroken if their child moved in with a bf/gf before marriage, but your parents actually enabled this. Weird.

Second, he says he is not ready for marriage or children but he wants to keep living together. Well DUH. Most men would love this arrangement. Sex, meals, a roof over his head...all without the commitment and responsibility of marriage and children. You are WAY too accomodating and pliable. Stop auditioning for him, hoping he will want you.

Third, this man is a Muslim from a Muslim family. Let me explain to you what this really means. I am married to a middle-eastern man. I know what I'm talking about here. He will NEVER bring a non-muslim woman home to his family. He will never marry you. It would be a shame and a disgrace in their eyes. A son from a Turkish family will honor his parents and his religion and will marry a Muslim girl from a good Muslim family, one possibly selected by his parents. To consider an American girl, and a Christian one at that, as a wife would be unthinkable.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but this is the reality of it. You and he are not a match. You were a convenience and a comfort for a young man far from home. Nothing more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 1:13pm

Hi dear.

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