boyfriend has trust problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
boyfriend has trust problems
5
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 4:56pm
I love my boyfriend very much but he seems to have a jeolousy or trust problem. He accuses me of having sex with all my male friends which couldn't be further from the truth. I don't hide anything from him and have offered friends phone numbers for him to correct his thought process. When confronted by him, I try to reassure him nothing is going on and his is the only man I want. (I really wanted to be with this guy for the rest of my life and he has told me the same) He then calls me a liar. Now I am a liar and a cheater. He has done and said bizarre things such as accusing me of flushing my birth control pills down the toilette so I will get pregnant and I wash the towels and sheets just to get rid of any evidence of him being there. He has also said that women only give you sex until they get the diamond ring, then they stop giving their mates sex once the diamond shows up. He says this is what happened to a lot of his friends that is why their marriage doesn't work and he doesn't believe in giving diamonds. There is a lot more outlandish negative remarks he has made and it is very hurtful. I dated him for 9 months and couldn't take this any more. I truly loved him and thought he was the one. I don't understand his twisted outlook and it has left me perplexed always thinking about and trying to understand his thought process. I am trying to go on with my life but it is difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 5:08pm
sorry to hear you are going through this. after 9 months, if he doesn't trust you now, and accuse of you doing bizarre things, it'll never change and only'll get worse. it's not your problem but his. you don't need to be worried sick over his insecurities. if you have done nothing to make him think these things, then i'd say look for a partner whom you can have a healthy, trusting relationship with. good luck, and be strong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 5:30pm

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No matter what you say, no matter what you do, nothing will change his insecurities. For whatever reason, he feels like he needs to accuse you of these horrible betrayals to get some kind of reassurance from you and the relationship. Needless to say, its totally unfair and unhealthy.


It seems like this a reacurring problem, despite your attempts to reassure him and his feelings. I cant tell you to stop hanging out with these otehr male freinds...especially if they were in the picture before him. Unless your crossing lines with these people, i feel like the problem lies within himself.


The one thing i can tell you is not to compromise your character or your heart...You know what needs to be done to solve this, but something is telling you to hold on.Problem is, i dont think things will get better untill he realizes he has a problem, and he hasnt did that yet...


Best Wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 6:35pm
Thank you for your kind words. I do agree with you. I suggested he seek counceling and have mentally started trying to prepare myself to getting back into the dating scene again. I recently joined E*Harmony. I realize it is not me but issues withing himself. I just feel bad for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 6:39pm
Thank you for your feedback. It is much appreciated. I have recently suggested he get counceling and have decided to go on with my life. I have to be true to myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:03pm
I think that's the best thing, honey.

I dated a guy like your's... the entire relationship was set around my past, how i behaved and how everyone wanted me. it's very hard with a man who is like this because no matter what you do, you can't win. in the end you start defending yourself against the indefensible.

good luck to you. i support your decision.