Boyfriend is ill and angry at me
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Boyfriend is ill and angry at me
| Sat, 04-10-2004 - 10:27am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and in January, he was diagnosed with cancer. This came quite as a shock, particulaly because he is only 22 years old and very healthy. He's been in the hospital since January and cabin fever is starting to develop very rapidly. Up until a few days ago, the cohesion between us was inseparable. Now, he's irritable and snaps at me. We now fight about something every day, regardless of how stupid it is and I leave the hospital in an unsettling mood. I hate leaving there still angry at him. We shouldn't be acting this way at such a crucial times in our lives. I don't know what brought on the sudden chance in behavior. I KNOW from the bottom of my heat that it's the cancer talking and not him. I mean, he doesn't even fight the same anymore! He's just angry at the world, angry that he's still in the hospital, and frustrated because he wants to go home. I'm not going to say, "Oh, you're not really mad at me, it's just the cancer talking" because that's rude and makes him defensive But, what do I do? Do I just sit here and be his whipping boy (or girl, for this matter)? How do I get him to open up to me again? We used to share our dreams, our fears, our plans for the future and now, he doesn't want to talk about those things anymore. I've offered outside counseling and he won't accept it. I'm going to give him some space but it's hard because I want to be with him every day.
It's gotten to the point where I just don't talk to him at all because I'm afraid I'll say something and a fight wil ensue. This is crazy!

Personally, I would talk to his family/doctor/nurses about his anger...maybe someone will just order a consulation and he won't have a choice in the matter.
Carrie
cancer is scary. your relationship is not the same because his life, his world is not the same. you can't judge things or measure them based on how it was before - his world has turned upside down.
be kind to him. you don't have to be a "girlfriend" right now, you don't have to be anything but kind. being kind to him now is for his sake and it's also for your's. in the future you will see the benefits from God for doing this.
be patient with him, honey. be patient with yourself and remember that right now being good is more important than being right.
by the way, what kind of cancer does he have?
i can talk to you as someone who went thru cancer also. its not easy, its scary, its painful, there is a terrible feeling of loss of control,