Boyfriend is jealous of my ex-husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Boyfriend is jealous of my ex-husband
4
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:17pm
My boyfriend is jealous when I talk to my ex. I only discuss issues that have to do with our 2 children. I don't ask him anything about his personal life or talk about the past. My ex put me through hell during our separation and divorce but I've started a new life with my boyfriend who I love more than I ever thought possible. We bought a house together and he is wonderful to my children. Sometimes when my ex is dropping off the kids, he'll mention something funny that happened with the kids, and we'll laugh. That makes my boyfriend nuts. He feels that I shouldn't share a nice moment like that with my ex. I think it's better for my children to see their parents getting along and not treating each other with bitterness and anger. What do you think? Thanks for any advice. If there are any books or articles that you could recommend, that would be great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:36pm

i think you need to be VERY CAREFUL about dating someone who is jealous of an EX. and especially since this particular EX is the father of your children, and from the sound of things - he is an active parent. your BF should be HAPPY that your kids' dad is in the picture and he should be HAPPY that you and your EX get along.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:31pm
::I think it's better for my children to see their parents getting along and not treating each other with bitterness and anger.

I agree. He needs to figure out why he's jealous. Does he think you are going to get back together with him?

I too think it's better if you can at least be civil. And I think it's ok to share stories about the kids and specific info about the kids, Child B was feeling ill over the weekend, or whatever. It's not like he's trying to win you back or telling you he loves you, hitting on you or asking you to go out.

::He feels that I shouldn't share a nice moment like that with my ex.

So what are you going to do when you have to attend your children's graduation, or oh, forbid a wedding and have to take photos, etc. Your boyfriend needs to realize there are things that will happen. Things you will want to participate in even if you don't want to be with your ex, even if you don't like your ex.

I am both a mother and a step-mother. My step-daughter is getting married in 3 weeks and she's invited me to her wedding. I'm going with my parents and my bf. Now my ex, her father and the father of my son, I'm sure he isn't thrilled (and I hope she's already told him) but that's the way it is. She and I remained close though he didn't want me to be in her life, it was her mother that allowed me to still be a part of her life when she was younger. Thankfully, my son is old enough where I don't have much contact with my ex anymore.

Recently, my son's step-mom (my ex's wife) and I both attended a Mother-Son breakfast at my son's school. Next year we plan on inviting the grandmothers.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:28pm
I think your boyfriend feels insecure. You must have a frank discussion with him that it is not about you and your ex any more. It is about the obligation you and your ex have to raise the children to mature adults. It is far easier for everyone involved if it remains civil and you are blessed that it has.

I would give your boyfriend a little time to adjust - and use counseling together if needed. Perhaps if he has time with you and the kids so he feels more accepted he will relax - but be careful. If he cannot accept your ex then maybe the relationship was not meant to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:45pm
Thank you all for your advice. It's good to have my thoughts and feelings validated. My boyfriend and I talked more about it last night, so it's good for us to keep the lines of communication open. He knows it's a jealousy thing and I keep reasuring him there is nothing to be jealous of...he's working on it. :) Thanks again for your support.