boyfriend lied to me but confessed
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| Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:32pm |
Hi, my boyfriend went out on a saturday night and told me that he was going out with the guys from work. Before that saturday, he went out with his guys from work on wednesday and told me that they wanted to do the same thing on saturday night. At first I didnt like it because I am not used to having him go out without me..but then my boyfriend said that he can network with the bankers and stuff so ok, I thought it might help him and such, so he went that night. Two days after he went out, he confessed to me when I came home from work that he didn't go out with the guys on saturday night, but instead went out with couple girls from work (tellers). I can't believe that he lied to me about who he went out with and made me suspicious about one of these girls had something with my boyfriend. I am not sure what to do. I gave him credit for coming forward to me but his reason for why he lied was because we spent too much time together. We've been living together for a year now and I don't usually go home until late at night ( 7pm-9pm).

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<< But once in awhile, thoughts like what is he doing at work when those girls are around or vice versa, would come up in
>>he wants to go out but he is afraid that I would be upset if he tells the truth<<
Yes, this is exactly it.
>>Would you be okay if your boyfriend tells you that he is going out this saturday night with some girls from his work? <<
I would react no differently whether it be men or women he works with.
Trust is the basis of all good relationships and it's very good that he told you that he lied. So, he did lie, but he didn't hide it. It seems he does want to be open and truthful.
The important thing here is to work on whatever it is in your relationship that is troubling. He said you two spent too much time together. What does that mean? Sounds like he needs more time alone and freedom. This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is bad, but that, like most guys (and many women too), he doesn't want to feel suffocated or crowded. Why not focus on getting involved in some of your own personal activites and plans with friends during the week? Be a bit less availale. Live your own life. Give him space to miss you and give yourself space to live as well. If you have to constantly be together, or are constantly worried about who he is with, this is a negative situation...and makes him feel trapped. Focus on how lucky he is to have you, your self worth, all the good you bring to a relationship, and then go forward and live your own life. If he is for you, he will only come closer to you. But if he isn't for you, or isn't truly happy, he won't. Whichever way it is, you want to be with someone who loves you and wants you. So, let go and live, and see what happens.
Best wishes,
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<< I guess
Welcome to the board pyc529,
He did come clean, but coming clean does not heal the betrayal you feel.
<< He needs to work on showing you
In most cases I would agree.
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