boyfriend lied to me but confessed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2008
boyfriend lied to me but confessed
11
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:32pm

Hi, my boyfriend went out on a saturday night and told me that he was going out with the guys from work. Before that saturday, he went out with his guys from work on wednesday and told me that they wanted to do the same thing on saturday night. At first I didnt like it because I am not used to having him go out without me..but then my boyfriend said that he can network with the bankers and stuff so ok, I thought it might help him and such, so he went that night. Two days after he went out, he confessed to me when I came home from work that he didn't go out with the guys on saturday night, but instead went out with couple girls from work (tellers). I can't believe that he lied to me about who he went out with and made me suspicious about one of these girls had something with my boyfriend. I am not sure what to do. I gave him credit for coming forward to me but his reason for why he lied was because we spent too much time together. We've been living together for a year now and I don't usually go home until late at night ( 7pm-9pm).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 8:07pm

<< But once in awhile, thoughts like what is he doing at work when those girls are around or vice versa, would come up in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 8:26pm
Thank you for the response. I only have thought like that after he confessed he lied to me. I never suspect that he has anything with girls from his workplace before that. I guess
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 8:42pm

>>he wants to go out but he is afraid that I would be upset if he tells the truth<<

Yes, this is exactly it.

>>Would you be okay if your boyfriend tells you that he is going out this saturday night with some girls from his work? <<

I would react no differently whether it be men or women he works with.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 10:32am

Trust is the basis of all good relationships and it's very good that he told you that he lied. So, he did lie, but he didn't hide it. It seems he does want to be open and truthful.


The important thing here is to work on whatever it is in your relationship that is troubling. He said you two spent too much time together. What does that mean? Sounds like he needs more time alone and freedom. This doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is bad, but that, like most guys (and many women too), he doesn't want to feel suffocated or crowded. Why not focus on getting involved in some of your own personal activites and plans with friends during the week? Be a bit less availale. Live your own life. Give him space to miss you and give yourself space to live as well. If you have to constantly be together, or are constantly worried about who he is with, this is a negative situation...and makes him feel trapped. Focus on how lucky he is to have you, your self worth, all the good you bring to a relationship, and then go forward and live your own life. If he is for you, he will only come closer to you. But if he isn't for you, or isn't truly happy, he won't. Whichever way it is, you want to be with someone who loves you and wants you. So, let go and live, and see what happens.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 1:25pm

<< I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 2:25pm
The both of you need to work on this together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 2:46pm

Welcome to the board pyc529,


He did come clean, but coming clean does not heal the betrayal you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 3:30pm

<< He needs to work on showing you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 5:01pm

In most cases I would agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 6:41pm
If you hardly spend time together and his excuse for lying to you is that he feels he spends too much time with you then the relationship is spiraling downward.

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