boyfriend likes to choke me during sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
boyfriend likes to choke me during sex
6
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:22pm
I'm a little concern because my boyfriend kinda choked me last night while we were having sex. Is this normal? I've been with him for 11 months and this is the first time he does this. At first i thought he didn't realized what he was doing it so i said- ouch you're chocking me...but then he went on and squeezed a bit harder. He finally stopped but now i'm starting to be concern about this behavior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:36pm

Some people like to role play. My husband and I do a lot but the thing is you 2 need to discuss it before hand and make sure you are both comfortable with it.

Maybe he has some sort of rape fantasy or something and he wanted to do that with you.. but I believe he should have talked to you 1st.

Also if you said ouch, and he didn't stop immediately then that is a sign of concern in my opinion.

You need to talk to him BEFORE you get into the bedroom again. ASk him what he was doing and why. Talk to him about it and make sure you set up some rules. If you don't want to be choked then make sure you tell him. SOme men and women do like to be choked or like to hold their own breath during orgasm because it supposedly makes the orgasm stronger, maybe he was trying to do that.

Also I would investigate if you are really worried.. does he look at porn? do you know what kind of porn? there's some sick violent porn out there and if he is looking at it you might have a problem so if you have any way of finding his porn, I would look into that just to make sure.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 3:41pm
I know that there are other people that like to be choked. Maybe this is something that excites your bf. I have never be interested in it myself though. I would just talk to him about it and ask him if he realized he was doing it and tell him that it makes you uneasy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:43pm

Can you say Kobe? Sorry.

This part worries me:
::At first i thought he didn't realized what he was doing it so i said- ouch you're chocking me...but then he went on and squeezed a bit harder

If he likes it and wants to continue, like the others said, talk about it, set boundaries, pick a key word that means you've gone too far. If you don't like it, then say so loud and clear.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:01pm
I think Batharine hit it on the head....I think you need to talk to your guy about it.


Edited 10/21/2004 11:05 pm ET ET by braveheart33
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:13am
I have an aunt that was choked by her husband and has spent the last 20 years in a home since she suffered severe brain damage from lack of oxygen. I know this is an extreme case but like everyone else said you really need to talk and find out if porn or movies are his inspiration. To suddenly do this and not stop when you said ouch is a little disturbing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 11:58am
Thanks to all for your reply. I talked to my BF and he told me that he has not been watching any kind of violent porn. He also told me that he was sorry he hurt me and that it wouldn't happen again. How do i know if he's watching violent porn? is there a way to find out without him noticing? I know he watches porn and sometimes i tell him i want to watch it with him ( i don't like porn) but he doesn't want to...so I'm kind of scared that he is watching this type of porn and he's not telling me the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2004
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 3:31pm
I would say Run away fast....that scares me...