Boyfriend moving...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
Boyfriend moving...
4
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:16am
My boyfriend of 9 months has accepted a very lucrative job in NC (we live, separately, in MA)that will make him very successful and very happy. He loves the south and has always wanted to move down there. He's lived in the town he is moving to before, and has friends in the area. I am happy for him because it is a great opportunity, but I am sad and nervous for what will happen to us. He's in his 30s and I'm in my 20s. The age difference has is not an issue.

We've had a really fun, enjoyable and drama-free relationship. We care about each other but have not said we loved each other. We're kind of in that in-between phase, right now.

We talked about the move and agreed to see what happens. His mind, obviously, is on the move and his new job. Mine is focused only on us and it is really tearing me up. We've known for just a week, and he will likely move in 2 weeks - they need him to begin quickly. I am literally sick, I am so sad. I cry all the time, can't eat, and am just very unhappy. I'm afraid that he will move and be so caught up in his new life that he will forget me. I'm afraid I will be unhappy, pining for him alone, without new and exciting things going on in my life. He is gaining so much, and I'm just losing.

Me moving is not a good option. I have no job opportunity or friends or family in NC, and for us, as a couple, we're not ready to move in together. At the same time, there is not much binding me to MA. I feel in limbo, like I can't just give up what I have here for something we may not be ready for, but I may be letting a great person get away from me.

I have reacted so strongly to this that it makes me feel like maybe there is more to this relationship than I thought. I'm not ready for it be over and I am fearful that when distance is introduced we will just fizzle. That we're not strong enough or far enough along to have it truly work. Right now I want to do whatever I can to make this work, but I don't know if he feels the same. I know we will talk and email and I'll visit, and we'll try and just see what happens. But I feel very strongly that I am missing out on something that could be my future. And I don't want him to slip away.

I'm trying to be realistic, but it is so hard to hold it all together and let things happen as they will.

Any thoughts?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:03am

No matter how much you upset yourself over this, it won't

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:24pm
'I'm afraid that he will move and be so caught up in his new life that he will forget me....Right now I want to do whatever I can to make this work, but I don't know if he feels the same.'

Have you told him any of this? A great relationship is built on great communication. Find out what he is thinking.

'I'm afraid I will be unhappy, pining for him alone, without new and exciting things going on in my life. He is gaining so much, and I'm just losing. '

It is your choice to make your life exciting or not. You can continue to work on yourself and be happy or sit around and pine for him. Isn't there anything going on in yoru life other than yoru boyfriend? work, school, volunteer work, hobbies, etc???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:59pm
Thank you both, for your words. I appreciate your time.

We both decided to see what happens and just let things take their course. We agreed to try and that we weren't going to just give up. I need to find out how important this relationship is to him and go from there.

On the plus side, we're both very independent people and spend time together but are busy with work, sports, friends etc. It's just that now, I feel hopeless and don't have interest in much.

I'm just fearful that a great thing is getting away.

Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:06pm

My bf of almost 2 yrs left Saturday morning to move 5 hours away.

 

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