Boyfriend Needs Time & Space
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| Fri, 04-09-2004 - 4:07pm |
We have had an awesome relationship - definitely the best I've ever had and he says the best he ever had. We are both 38 - and both of us have been married before. We have never had a fight, not even an argument. We did everything together and had fun whether we were at a black tie party for one of our offices, a hockey game, or just sitting around the house. We have many, many, many things in common and we are (or were) the best of friends. We also had an amazing physical relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, he told me he was "in a fog" - he said it wasn't about our relationship, but life in general. He also started seeing a therapist. He told me several times it wasn't me or our relationship, but he was unhappy and confused about where his life was going - did he want to stay in the same job, did he want to move to be closer to his daughter, did he ever want to get married again, have more children, coach little league, etc., etc. He said he wanted time and space because being with me clouded his judgement. I told him to take a month.
Is this because he didn't take some "down time" following the divorce to sort through things in life. I know it took me at least a year to get over my divorce, and I didn't have children involved, so I can only imagine how hard it is with the daughter. The good thing about his daughter is he has the type of job where he can work remotely and their original agreement was that he would travel to where she is and see her for one week per month and she would come see him for one month during the summer. When they talk on the phone recently, she flips out saying she wants her old house back, her backyard, her dogs, etc. I know this hurts him. It was exactly a year ago that they moved. I also know in my heart the ex only moved to hurt him - and moving their daughter 2500 miles away was how she did it.
Is this all coming to a head now because it's been a year? I haven't pushed for a deeper commitment, marriage or anything like that. He agrees that I have not pressured him.
I told him we should take a 30-day break and he should stop calling me and IM'ing me because it was confusing to me. We used to spend our weekends together - we've only seen each other twice this month, yet he was continuing to call me every day and would always say how confused and unhappy he was and didn't know why. I asked if he wanted my help to get through this and he said it is something he needs to do alone. That's when I suggested the break.
I know he loves me and I love him and we have a trusting relationship. I miss him very, very much. I would welcome any opinions, suggestions and advice on how I should handle this situation? I'm not the most patient person, without a doubt. Our relationship is definitely worth waiting for - if its truly for him to get his head straight and for us to move forward. But I don't want to wait around for something that may not ever happen.

I think you are handling it very well.