boyfriend problem?? please help!!
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boyfriend problem?? please help!!
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 2:02am |
hi. well, i KINDA have a boyfriend problem (or it might just be my imagination)..well my boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 and a half months...whoa hes like perfect to me in every way...hes gorgeous, hes got like the best personality and i love him with all of my heart! the first 2 months of our relationship, it was like nothing could keep us apart for too long and we were together every single day and even when we had to go home for the night we got right on the phone to talk to eachother...we have had the coolest conversations and we know eachother very well now...soon after our 3 month anniversery he told me he loved me...OMG i wanted to scream for joy because i love him the same way..i didnt think i would hear those words so soon and its funny cuz that day i was thinking about him and i realized that i was like soo head over heels in love with him and i wanted to say it but didnt have the guts to yet..then he told me how he felt, and later i told him that i feel the same way about him. i was sooo happy and still am...but for the last month hes been soo stressed/depressed about his job, his parents, school, friends, and things that have happened recently in his life(good and bad). and i totally understand because we all get that way sometimes...but then i didnt get to see him as often as before and when i did its like hes always complaing about things..and im willing to listen if it makes himm feel better to vent about stuff but its like thats all he does now is vent...he doesnt act so "loving" anymore and he doesnt talk about why..for weeks that made me depressed and i cried alot. then he realized that i was upset and he started talking to me about things and about us which made me feel so much better then he started comming around more and being his happy self again. now like maybe a week and a half later....its like he seems sooo much more busy then usual (and he is cuz now hes working overtime to make more money and stuff)and hes stressed again (from my observation)...but now i feel so unimportant cuz like ill call him and he'll be like im with my friend so and so and ill call u later, or i went here today (im here thinking why couldnt i come along)...im soo glad that hes hanging out with his friends im not mad about it but its like (i dont know how to explain this!!! and its frusterating...so i dunno if this is making sense) i feel like im being put on hold until he does everything and anything with anyone and everyone else before he sees me... but i dont complain about it i just let him do his thing and give him his space. we havent even had a real conversation in like a week almost...i feel like he doesnt care about me and cant wait to get away from me or something...??? im just confused...on the phone we usually say our goodbyes for the night before we go to bed and then we say our i love you's before we hang up every night. usually he says i love you first but like i dunno he seems hesitant now to say it even tho he was the 1st to say how he felt about me in our relationship. so i said it first and he said it back quick and hung up the phone (ok so hes reallllly tired but that doesnt mean that he has to hurry to say goodnight when it only takes a few seconds). tonight hes like im soo tired ill call u tomorrow whenn i get home ..then he quickly said bye bye..i said i love you to him and then HE hung up the phone. i wasnt even done saying goodnight..whats that mean????? im sooo scared that hes sick of me for some reason??? he doesnt talk about it but i feel like somethings wrong (with me)... i have tried talking to him about it but its soo hard to bring up and i dont know what to say and when i try to say something i break down crying. what are the right words???? he doesnt even say i miss you anymore..hes acting weird towards me again and this time i dunno why..hes been there for his friends and family for the past few weeks but hes doesnt realize(it doesnt seem like he cares) that hes hurting me because in all honesty he hasnt been there for me (or at least it feels like that). i dont get a call from him till like an hour before he goes to bed everynight. he 'could' call during the day even for a minute but he doesnt. and i just want him to tell me that he loves me and show it and tell me that everythings ok again. i want him to talk to me like im important to him.. i dunno, its hard to describe this. he knows that i love him more than anything in this world, i've told him this many times. i tell him i love him everyday..especially when i dont get to see him as often as before. do u think that im smothering him or something? am i being too obsessive over him maybe?? do u think that maybe i say i love you to him too much?? but whats wrong with telling him that i love him everyday when i really do love him? he told me once that im the only one outta all the girls he has dated in his life that he really really cares for. he said that he hasnt said i love you, and really meant it, to any girl in years, that he really truly loves me, and im the only girl that he was ever "this attatched too" (in his words). he told me that he wants a long-term relationship with me, and i want a long-term(very long) relationship with him as well, he knows that. in fact it was him that asked me how long i wanted us to go out for and i told him 'a very long time' and hes like thats good, me too. so why is he acting so weird now? is it because hes stressed out? will this blow off? what do i do in the meantime? i wanna talk to him about this and tell him how i feel, but i dont know the right words to say? i dont know how to bring it up. can someone help???? my heart is sinking! this is depressing me! i dont want this to screw up our relationship. i dont understand guys sometimes..HELP!!!!!!

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Maybe it is just the stress of his life that is getting him down.
When you first started dating you spent every waking second together. You both rushed things and even though you "felt" love, what you might have been feeling was infatuation. Now that he has heard that you love him and he has you, he doesn't have to put forth as much effort anymore to win your love. It's common that his reaction is to pull away, while your reaction is to become more needy. Very common! Calling him all the time and telling him that he loves you is only going to push him away more. There is a chance that he may never rebound, and the only lesson you can take from this is, don't give up everythign to spend every day together in the relationship. Get to know him slowly. If he does rebound, take things slowly and get to know him, while maintaining your relationships with friends, family, and activities. That's my two cents.
Take the hint and either keep yourself busy or just sit around and cry. But don't call and make it look like you have your own life. This is the only way you will get him back to where you want him. If you don't then to he-- with him.
And I mean it..... don't play into the trap. Its only going to go totally down the tubes if you cry and scream and call and beg. So just do what is hard to do here.
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