Boyfriend retreats to his cave

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
Boyfriend retreats to his cave
8
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 8:24am
I
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 9:22am

He keeps giving you the answer, but you refuse to listen to it.

>I just don't understand or know how to handle him when he goes into his cave, as he puts it.

That's because you need to have things on your terms and simply can't just let him alone for when he needs alone time. If you get in a major argument, what is he supposed to do, cuddle you? Most men... and most human beings... aren't like that. He told you exactly what he needs to feel good again, just some alone time. So what are you "sick with worry" for? That he's going to kill himself or end the relationship? Give yourself a break, go out with friends or something.

He's not giving you the silent treatment, he's verbally asking you to give him some time to cool down. Maybe these arguments aren't the end of the world but if he's emotionally hurt by them then you can't tell him he's wrong for feeling that way, because he's not.

I think you should compromise and let him have his time off before you come back and address the issue. Stop making it all about you and let him gather his thoughts before he talks about it again. As long as you're not having blowups all the time this shouldn't be very hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:24am
That is exactly what I have done since Friday-given him his space.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:00am
How long do these "retreats" go on? I was under the impression that it was just a day
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:11am
We have only had two episodes, one in April and now this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:19am
Hmm, well at least he's making an effort. 3-4 days is a long time to need time alone. I'd say maybe he's making up an excuse to go do something on his own, and not think about anything negative.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 11:25am
I think that is it too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 2:05pm

Welcome to the ksparky49,


I think you have already been given good advice, but I wanted to add, it hard to accept the silent treatment and roll with it.... I'm stating the obvious because, right now you are long distance, once you are married, how will that work for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 6:13pm
I have thought about after marriage.