boyfriend said he doesn't like foreplay

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
boyfriend said he doesn't like foreplay
2
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:02pm
OK all...

SO this is a weird situation and I have no idea how to handle....

but 2 weeks ago while having sex with my boyfriend - after 2 mins of kissing - he reaches over for condoms and starts to proceed right into intercourse(mind you - he does this every time we have sex) so I politely tell him to slow down and begin kissing his chest etc. - but he snapped at me, and said "what's with all the demands?" - I reply - well I just want to move a little slower take our time - we aren't in a rush, enjoy yourself...to his reply.."why do you have to kiss all the time" - I don;t even like foreplay - it doesn't turn me on....". It's as if I am not even a partner in this..like it's his one-man show....

well - you can imagine the awkardness of that moment.

The issue here is just 2 months ago - I found out he was abused, and he agreed to go to counseling(very good!) but in the meantime b/c he is such a man's man -he isn't communicating what he needs to get through recovery....all the while - my needs aren't getting met nor can he stand the stress of meeting my needs so I think he snaps at me b/c he feels very insecure.(he admitted that to me when I confronted him on why we never have sex)

I just feel horrible. I put up with a lot from him for months of having no real sex life...all the while he was addicted to porn(I confronted him about this...that is when all the truth came out about his childhood and his insecurities in having sex with me)- while this was a cathartic expereince for both of us...we are not 2 months later and I feel the same way I did awhile back.

What should I do....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:27pm
go to counseling with him and spell it out - he may not ever like foreplay because it's intimate and he has intimacy issues.... but you could go to counseling and have your say and see if there is anyway for him to 'get it.' If not, you will know you did all you could.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:24pm
yes -you hit it right on the head

he has intimact issues - I think that is solid advice though to therapy with him.. - he jsut started though 2 months ago - going once a week - I am waiting until he gets comfortable with his therapist - then I will broach the subject soon

I just am trying to have faith that he can mend himself and see that sex is a beautiful exchange of feelings btwn partners...here's hoping