boyfriend says he has detached emotions
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boyfriend says he has detached emotions
| Wed, 10-10-2007 - 3:21am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. We're both really bad at talking about how we feel. He told me over the phone that he didn't want any other girl but me and I immediately wanted to tell him that I loved him, but didn't say anything because I was afraid of being vulnerable. He took that as rejection and that I didn't care and became distant(rarely contacting me and seeing me once a week). I asked him about it and then told him that I loved him. He said that he wanted to start over and see other people and still see me. I told him that I couldn't handle it emotionally and he said that he needed time to think about what he wanted regarding our relationship. Its been 4 days and i haven't heard from him. Should I call him, email him and if so, what should I say?

"I asked him about it and then told him that I loved him. He said that he wanted to start over and see other people and still see me."
Ouch. That's a really painful rejection.
No, you can't start over with someone like that. Once you've gotten to the point of "love", you either know whether you want to be together or not. I think this relationship is over, which may be best because you can try to find someone who encourages you to communicate more about how you feel.
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Welcome to the board brit1283,
::He told me over the phone that he didn't want any other girl but me and I immediately wanted to tell him that I loved him, but didn't say anything because I was afraid of being vulnerable. He took that as rejection and that I didn't care and became distant(rarely contacting me and seeing me once a week).
So he EXPECTED you to say I love you first, to make him feel wanted and desired, on the simple statement that he didn't want any other girl, over the phone no less.
It's too bad that he was so sensitive and felt so rejected so quickly. It's also unfortunate that this happened over the phone, where you both didn't have time to respond face to face. Give him some time to reach out to you.
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I think you're fooling yourself. If after six months he doesn't know if he wants to be with you exclusively then he probably doesn't want to be. You make so many mentions about how YOU feel and what YOU think it could be like, but what about how he feels? You're thinking in terms of you want and not what he wants.
Bring up the relationship if you must but I think that if you don't get the answer you want then you should be prepared to leave. Regardless of how you feel, you can't make him want an exclusive relationship with you and you can't make him think you're right for one another if he doesn't. I hope he gives you the response you're looking for but I'm afraid you're going to continue selling yourself short in order to settle for a relationship with a guy who is sort of disappointing.
Welcome to the board