Boyfriend Searching Personals Online
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| Sat, 10-09-2004 - 12:44pm |
Well, ever since then, I've been extra curious about him scoping out other women online. And I know and have always felt that if you're crazy enough to snoop then you deserve dealing with the turmoil of what you find, and I feel like I pretty much have dealt with the turmoil rather well...until recently. We only see each other on the weekends and I live about an hour away, so I continuously worry that between missing me and being in a new town, he'll want to meet someone to fill his needs during the week and eventually leave me for her. Anyway, yesterday I was being a snoop and looking through the history of his computer and saw (as always) profiles of women in his area, a couple of which I saw he clicked on to send messages to. The fact that he was looking at profiles didn't really bother me nor too much the fact that I saw he messaged a couple of them. But as I continued through each day I saw he'd been to a personals web page. He's been actually searching for women his age...in his area...and has actually gotten emails back from them! I am absolutely floored to have found this!
After nine months of dating and quite a few open discussions about infidelity and cheating and keeping an open honest relationship...he has this going on in the background. It makes me less secure in this relationship...a little worried that he'll eventually find someone to meet his needs better than I...and I'm pretty damn angry that this is going on. It's like he has me and if one day things aren't going great between us...or I'm not being as exciting...or when I'm not around......then he has these other women on the side! It's driving me crazy to know that the man I love and that supposedly loves me and ponders the thought of someday marrying me...is also keeping his options open. I don't know whether to bring it up in a nonconspicuous manner...head on...or just keep my mouth quite until he works out whatever it is he needs to work out. What would y'all do?
Thanks so much for reading this...I know it must have been torture!

Edited 10/9/2004 1:41 pm ET ET by itwinflame
Carrie
I am glad to see that other women are bothered by this. At least I know its not just me being silly and jealous. It is a real problem. Perhaps we should all get online and do the same thing, and see how they feel about us talking to guys online. Of course, if any of you are like me, it would take way too much for any of us to hurt the one we love. I'm glad I got to sit and read these posts, and write my own. I think I need to let Mr. Faithful read them!
Bring it up - head on.
Don't apologize for your feelings. Searching personals is dishonest and cheating, or making plans to cheat, so it is a Huge warning sign. Deal with it now! Tell him this is something you won't tolerate. Something you don't want in your life. A guy who is actively looking for other dates while committed to you. And be willing to let him go... Don't get into arguments about if it does or does not really constitute cheating. Just tell him I won't put up with this in my life. If he wants to continue the behavior, then I guess that's the answer. It's not easy.