Firstly sex addiction is an illness and a pretty serious and tenacious one. It's not enough for your boyfriend to feel sorry. He has to recognize that he has an illness, acknowledge it and be willing to seek appropriate treatment, which includes therapy with a therapist trained in sexual addictions and often membership in a sexual addiction recovery group. This takes time, patience, and a great deal of discipline and dedication. Is he up to that? Does he want to stop enough to really do this? If not, you are letting yourself in for a rough ride. Addiction means that he is out of control, so no matter how he feels now, this behavior will keep going on. There are many consequences to this for you, including STDs and other emotional consequences of low self esteem. So, look at what you mean by being
I am sorry that I can't give you a more hopeful or encouraging answer. But you are in for a life filled with misery, insecurity and pain if you stay in this relationship. Believe me, I know. While my ex wasn't a "sex addict" (which I think makes your situation even more impossible), he definitely was dishonest with me, had communications with other women, would see other women when we had a fight or I would go out of town, and kept in constant communication with the married woman with whom he'd had a 14-year on and off affair.
He and I broke up and got back together numerous times, mostly because the parts that were good were very good, our connection felt great at those times and I loved that feeling, the sex was great, and at times I could see the potential of what we COULD have. But I came to realize that the relationship we ACTUALLY had was a completely different relationship than the one I thought we had and the one I wanted to have. It was very hard and painful to walk away, and for months I thought about him constantly, and replayed everything in my mind and ways in which I thought we could have made it work.
The reality, though, is that he was in a totally different relationship than I was, and it wold have never worked in a way that I could have been truly loved and happy. Because he was not CAPABLE of that kind of relationship. It doesn't sound as if your guy is, either. I was constantly insecure, wondering when the next discovery would come, miserable much more than I was happy, etc. Even though it was hard ending it, my life at least has so much more peace and I am on my way to finding true love with someone who knows what that is.
If you value and love yourself, I would get out of this now. One of the biggest things I regret about my ex relationship, and what I have beat myself up over the most, is not having gotten out sooner and not having stayed broken up on the numerous times I could have. I would have saved myself even more pain and heartache. It's just a question of how much you're willing to take. But I think that you will have to deal with this type of thing over, and over, and over with him. I would get out now before you are enmeshed any more, and get on your journey toward true love and acceptance with someone worthy of you. Good luck.
Obviously he needs counseling or a 12 step program..or whatever sex addicts do to overcome this addiction.
You are in for a long hard road because the addiction never leaves - your life will now revolve around his addiction, his meetings, his ...whatever.
Welcome to the board ccch13,
Sorry you are going through this.
Firstly sex addiction is an illness and a pretty serious and tenacious one. It's not enough for your boyfriend to feel sorry. He has to recognize that he has an illness, acknowledge it and be willing to seek appropriate treatment, which includes therapy with a therapist trained in sexual addictions and often membership in a sexual addiction recovery group. This takes time, patience, and a great deal of discipline and dedication. Is he up to that? Does he want to stop enough to really do this? If not, you are letting yourself in for a rough ride. Addiction means that he is out of control, so no matter how he feels now, this behavior will keep going on. There are many consequences to this for you, including STDs and other emotional consequences of low self esteem. So, look at what you mean by being
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I am sorry that I can't give you a more hopeful or encouraging answer. But you are in for a life filled with misery, insecurity and pain if you stay in this relationship. Believe me, I know. While my ex wasn't a "sex addict" (which I think makes your situation even more impossible), he definitely was dishonest with me, had communications with other women, would see other women when we had a fight or I would go out of town, and kept in constant communication with the married woman with whom he'd had a 14-year on and off affair.
He and I broke up and got back together numerous times, mostly because the parts that were good were very good, our connection felt great at those times and I loved that feeling, the sex was great, and at times I could see the potential of what we COULD have. But I came to realize that the relationship we ACTUALLY had was a completely different relationship than the one I thought we had and the one I wanted to have. It was very hard and painful to walk away, and for months I thought about him constantly, and replayed everything in my mind and ways in which I thought we could have made it work.
The reality, though, is that he was in a totally different relationship than I was, and it wold have never worked in a way that I could have been truly loved and happy. Because he was not CAPABLE of that kind of relationship. It doesn't sound as if your guy is, either. I was constantly insecure, wondering when the next discovery would come, miserable much more than I was happy, etc. Even though it was hard ending it, my life at least has so much more peace and I am on my way to finding true love with someone who knows what that is.
If you value and love yourself, I would get out of this now. One of the biggest things I regret about my ex relationship, and what I have beat myself up over the most, is not having gotten out sooner and not having stayed broken up on the numerous times I could have. I would have saved myself even more pain and heartache. It's just a question of how much you're willing to take. But I think that you will have to deal with this type of thing over, and over, and over with him. I would get out now before you are enmeshed any more, and get on your journey toward true love and acceptance with someone worthy of you. Good luck.