Boyfriend On Tour... I'm Jealous...
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| Wed, 10-20-2004 - 12:25pm |
I have a solid steady job and want more than anything to travel.
My boyfriend doesn't have a steady job, but is starting to tour with his band (www.politicksband.com). I'm totally happy for him...
However, he won't tell me when he's going to play, where he's going and doesn't want "to be the only guy dragging a girlfriend along."
We got into a fight about this last night, hence my quote.
We've talked about this before,... he doesn't want the added stress of my being there, he doesn't like me being alone, etc. They are all valid points. I'm still jealous that I don't get to tag along...
We've been together for about a year and a half. Steady and strong, normally... UNLESS something comes up about our dreams/goals/ambitions...
For instance... he'll ask me to proof a cover letter/resume for a job at a radio station where I work part time, but when I suggest something like maybe changing a line, he gets pissed and defensive. Oh yeah, and I work at a very prestigous arts organization in promoting artists and putting together concerts every single day... but he doesn't think I know what I'm talking about and won't let me help with anything even though I have a decent amount of experience AND contacts.
Then he'll come back and say, "you know, my letter is way better now with your help," apologize, etc. But the next time, it's the same thing. I want to support him, but don't feel like I'm really being allowed to be supportive. I almost feel like he wants me to be his yes man, That's great, honey. Don't change a thing, honey.
I'm frustrated and confused. I want to be what he needs me to be, but can't seem to figure it out, and neither can he, I think...
Edited 10/20/2004 12:41 pm ET ET by dittily

Do you mind a response from another musician?
First...you sound like a wonderful woman who would offer support to ANY MAN in exchange for a little appreciation. Having the contacts along with the 'radio connection' are also plusses!
But since your b/f has suddenly become employed in a field that often requires "a lot of personal attention and interraction with both sexes"---he might want to enjoy the adulation without worrying about YOUR REACTION TO ALL OF IT? A performer who has a wife, g/f, or s.o...can often be placed in an awkward position...when he (or she) has to choose between professional responsibilities and the people they love.
This DOESN'T mean that you DON'T MATTER...because YOU DO! But if your b/f is performing for several weeks or playing 'one-nighters' in various locations, his focus is probably on the music and whatever else is connected with it? These 'responsibilities' are often difficult for 'the non-performing half of a couple' to grasp!
What's important is the fact that your b/f is doing WHAT HE LOVES...and he knows that there's a SOLID, RELIABLE LADY (aka YOU) who understands that the gig won't last forever.
Here's a suggestion....see if you can agree on a time when he can telephone you from the road? It's amazing how comforting a 5-10 minute phone conversation can be?
Pianoguy (who is still curious about what radio station or group you're working for).
Very good response, pianoguy.
(I work part time for a classic rock station and full time for The Kennedy Center... I hope too many people don't read this thing...) Please don't stalk me and beg for gigs... unless you're really good... send a press kit. :)
Anyway... It's certainly not that the other aspects of performing slip past me... I was a Percussion Major for one thing... and now work in that very same field... I know he needs to do his thing... I'm basically forbidden from any of the events though... It's like a secret life that I'm not permited to visit... I feel left out. /= Hurt. /= Etc.
Plus, I want to go trot around the world... I'll pay for myself, obviously. He doesn't even have to know I'm there... though that's the problem altogether. He'd feel guilty either way, with his band or with me. It's just not fair. ):