boyfriend trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
boyfriend trouble
10
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 9:38am

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for over 7 years now, have a 3 year old together, and are currently living with my grandmother. We just moved in with her a few months ago back to my small hometown so I can return to school and get my RN, currently an LPN now. I know it is stressful living with family and he doesn't want to be here, but I can't go to school full-time, and work part-time and take care of our son while living on part-time pay. He works full time at wal-mart, makes pretty good money. But since we moved here he has been getting very irritated all the time, never really wants to talk and constantly complains about me either doing something or not doing something. Complains the laundry isn't done, or it is it just hasn't been put away, the babys room isn't clean, need groceries, im talking too much, or if he is telling me about his day and ends his conversation he doesn't want to hear about my day..."cant i just vent, i just wanted you to listen i dont need to hear a story, why cant you just listen." If i do just listen, dont say anything, then later try to tell him about my day, again he doesnt have time, he is busy.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 12:22pm

He really doesn't sound like a great partner to me so I probably would toss him out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 12:28pm
My hunch is that he is no longer wanting to be in a relationship with you - hence the nastiness. Why he actually hasn't left yet? Maybe he doesn't have anything waiting for him yet.

I'd have a open direct conversation about everything. Say you know he's obviously unhappy. What do you both propose you do to fix things? Complaining will get you no where. Either you both come up with a list of things that need to change, HOW you're going to change them, and then work towards it. If you cannot manage to get through a conversation without "he said, she said" or pointing fingers/blame game, then someone is not mature enough to be in a relationship to start with. Dump him then.

I don't think its' your family per se. I think he realizes he doesn't want you or this life and wants out.

If he cannot come up with solutions on how to make it work then you don't want someone who can solve basic problems as a life partner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 12:57pm

Welll, this guy has been a winner so far!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 12-03-2011 - 5:48pm

Have you ever said to him "I feel like this current situation isn't working out.....can we throw some ideas around on how to improve it?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 12:22am
Well we haven't always lived with someone, we had our own place for 4 years. We decided together to move in with my grandma to save money for a house and so I could work part-time while I went to school. And yes he is in management so he pretty much makes as much as I do. But he hasnt always been like this. He was in a wreck in may and totaled his car, not his fault, and it was paid for. Then we moved here and there really isnt much to do in this smalk town. He tells me "i am supporting you, I moved here with you" I try to remind him it was a joint decision. We moved here also to be near family so they could help with the baby on the weekends when we both work so he didnt have to be with a sitter on the weekends and at daycare during the week. So he could spend time with family Instead. It hasnt always been like this...ive tried to talk to him but then he starts with the blame game. We dont pay rent, just the utilities and groceries.

I try to give him space and time hoping this will pass. But I really think he needs to go talk with someone, how do I convince him? Ive suggested we go together, but no. he is a good father, plays with our son, takes him places and teaches him things, only because I work nights he has to get up with him, he has nightmares often, always has, they are getting better now. I just feel lost

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:58am

What exactly is he blaming you for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2008
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 6:08pm
Its not that he doesnt have money...we have the money to live by ourselves right now, I want to be able to work part time and not struggle and stress over money while going to school. I have already told him if needed we will get our own place, just say the word. Some days are good, others are bad. I just want him to talk to me, makes me feel better to talk. One of the reasons why I came here to ivillage. I want to give him some time, im not just going to leave him. I will fight for my family. Do everything I can. He will talk to me eventually, or leave. Either way, im going to try and keep our family together. Ive seen with his sisters situation how it affects the children and I dont want that for my son if I can help it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:27pm

I too, am not sure what he's blaming with the blame game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 11:50pm

There's too much going on at one time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Wed, 12-07-2011 - 10:48am

It doesn't sound like the living situation is the problem, but the fact that he is now the breadwinner and "supporting" you.

In the 7 years you have been together, how have your finances been handled?

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