"Last night my boyfriend announced that he thought about us just living together, but not being together, thinking that might help us have less stress. " Your boyfriend is living in a fantasy world if he thinks this can happen.
I think you're being realistic by understanding that a relationship between you won't work if it's just for the sake of your baby.
Your guy wants to live the single life because he's nineteen years old, and a nineteen year old guy should not be cooped up in a house all the time. BUT... This was something that he should have thought of when he contributed to making the baby you have together. Now he doesn't have a choice. Being a father is #1 priority in his life, acting like a teenager is way down on the list.
I think it would be an absolutely disastrous idea to even consider marriage to this boy at this time. And yes, it is not right of him to go out on saturday nights with other women.
Your guy is single, no matter how you slice it. He wants to live a double life, and that doesn't work. So cut him the slack he needs, remain civil for the sake of your kid, and let him live the life he needs to live without a girlfriend. As long as he is upholding his duties as a father, he doesn't have a romantic obligation to you. As much as you love one another, he doesn't want a committed relationship and a relationship between you two is going to end in heartbreak.
There is nothing wrong with people going out once in while. Sometimes my husband will go out with the guys after work. However, it doesn't happen very often. This is a problem, though, with him wanting to go out with a girl alone that of you know have a crush in him. It is just inviting her to think there is more between them and telling her it okay to make a move on him.
It is perfectly normal and understandable that he would want to go out, have a life, have fun, play. If you just keep staying indoors and not going out and joining him in life, I don't see how he could continue to stay in that kind of situation. Actually, it's not fair to him. You say you haven't been out in 18 months. You call it nesting, but I would say that you have a strong psychological problem. It's called agrophobia, fear of leaving the home. You must recognize what's going on and get yourself psychological help. It is not normal or healthy for you or your child. This is not nesting, but a serious difficulty you are going through.
Anyone who is in a relationship wants a partner to enjoy life with. This young woman who is approaching your boyfriend clearly likes him. Not only her, other people will be available to keep him company as well, if you do not live life with him. Get yourself good, psychological help as soon as you can. It's very, very important, for all of you.
You may not feel like going out clubbing but perhaps you could increase your group of friends by meeting up for lunches and things, maybe with ur college/uni friends to begin with.
As for him wanting to lead two lives, that is just unfair on you. Yet it would be unfair on him to keep him tied down if he truly wants to lead the life of a 19 year old
I admire how mature you are at your age! I have a 19 yr old and she is pregnant, I wish she would think like you!
Some of this posts have miss the mark entirely, of course you don't feel like going out! Your a full time student, with a young baby, and we all know how stressful college and kids are!!
I believe that your boyfriend wants to start going out with this other girl ( if he has not done it yet) he is starting fights with you so you can kick him out and he would be off the hook and blame you for it.
He wants his cake and eat it too, I'm 45 and trust me I have seen it all.
He is feeling the pressure of the responsibility of a child and he does not like it.
The pull of another girl telling him how wonderful he is (that's why she asks him "advice") she is luring him to her, at no point agree for him to go out with that girl, if you do you will loose him.
Set up limits and rules, he can go out with guys only, and every once in a while make an effort to go with him, that way hes happy that you go with him and also you will be keeping an eye to make sure hes not inviting the other girl behind your back.
If all this sounds like to much trouble and you don't feel like you should be "spying" on him, then let him go.
It sounds like he does not really want to be there with you and the baby, your very smart and mature, you CAN and WILL find another man to take care of you and your baby like he should be doing.
Ok just wondering :)
"Last night my boyfriend announced that he thought about us just living together, but not being together, thinking that might help us have less stress. "
Your boyfriend is living in a fantasy world if he thinks this can happen.
I think you're being realistic by understanding that a relationship between you won't work if it's just for the sake of your baby.
Your guy wants to live the single life because he's nineteen years old, and a nineteen year old guy should not be cooped up in a house all the time. BUT... This was something that he should have thought of when he contributed to making the baby you have together. Now he doesn't have a choice. Being a father is #1 priority in his life, acting like a teenager is way down on the list.
I think it would be an absolutely disastrous idea to even consider marriage to this boy at this time. And yes, it is not right of him to go out on saturday nights with other women.
Your guy is single, no matter how you slice it. He wants to live a double life, and that doesn't work. So cut him the slack he needs, remain civil for the sake of your kid, and let him live the life he needs to live without a girlfriend. As long as he is upholding his duties as a father, he doesn't have a romantic obligation to you. As much as you love one another, he doesn't want a committed relationship and a relationship between you two is going to end in heartbreak.
Welcome to the board bright-rose,
There is nothing wrong with people going out once in while. Sometimes my husband will go out with the guys after work. However, it doesn't happen very often. This is a problem, though, with him wanting to go out with a girl alone that of you know have a crush in him. It is just inviting her to think there is more between them and telling her it okay to make a move on him.
glitter-graphics.com
It is perfectly normal and understandable that he would want to go out, have a life, have fun, play. If you just keep staying indoors and not going out and joining him in life, I don't see how he could continue to stay in that kind of situation. Actually, it's not fair to him. You say you haven't been out in 18 months. You call it nesting, but I would say that you have a strong psychological problem. It's called agrophobia, fear of leaving the home. You must recognize what's going on and get yourself psychological help. It is not normal or healthy for you or your child. This is not nesting, but a serious difficulty you are going through.
Anyone who is in a relationship wants a partner to enjoy life with. This young woman who is approaching your boyfriend clearly likes him. Not only her, other people will be available to keep him company as well, if you do not live life with him. Get yourself good, psychological help as soon as you can. It's very, very important, for all of you.
Best wishes,
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You may not feel like going out clubbing but perhaps you could increase your group of friends by meeting up for lunches and things, maybe with ur college/uni friends to begin with.
As for him wanting to lead two lives, that is just unfair on you. Yet it would be unfair on him to keep him tied down if he truly wants to lead the life of a 19 year old
I admire how mature you are at your age! I have a 19 yr old and she is pregnant, I wish she would think like you!
Some of this posts have miss the mark entirely, of course you don't feel like going out! Your a full time student, with a young baby, and we all know how stressful college and kids are!!
I believe that your boyfriend wants to start going out with this other girl ( if he has not done it yet) he is starting fights with you so you can kick him out and he would be off the hook and blame you for it.
He wants his cake and eat it too, I'm 45 and trust me I have seen it all.
He is feeling the pressure of the responsibility of a child and he does not like it.
The pull of another girl telling him how wonderful he is (that's why she asks him "advice") she is luring him to her, at no point agree for him to go out with that girl, if you do you will loose him.
Set up limits and rules, he can go out with guys only, and every once in a while make an effort to go with him, that way hes happy that you go with him and also you will be keeping an eye to make sure hes not inviting the other girl behind your back.
If all this sounds like to much trouble and you don't feel like you should be "spying" on him, then let him go.
It sounds like he does not really want to be there with you and the baby, your very smart and mature, you CAN and WILL find another man to take care of you and your baby like he should be doing.
That's just my two cents.
Good luck and keep us posted