Boyfriend/Marriage
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Boyfriend/Marriage
| Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:06am |
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now. We are happy together, but there seems to be a standstill coming in our relationship. He says he can never see himself getting married--at all, to anyone. He's also said that IF he got married and had children, he would want to wait at least 10 years before he ever gets married (hes 20!) so he could work on his career. I am happy that he wants to have a good career, but I don't think that it is necessary to wait that long to have a family. While I am not ready to get married now, I do like thinking ahead. My mom always told me never to date someone I could not see myself marrying. But anytime we've talked about it, seriously or joking, he keeps saying he doesn't see himself getting married. I have recently just dropped the subject because there is just no point when the answer is always the same. I would love to have my first child before I am 30 (so obviously get married before then, and I am almost 22). He even hates going to weddings--which bothers me because he is planning on missing all of the weddings we have to attend this summer.
Is this something that a lot of guys go through, will this never change or will he grow out of it? I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him, but if he never wants to get married to anyone, what is the point of continuing dating him?
Is this something that a lot of guys go through, will this never change or will he grow out of it? I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him, but if he never wants to get married to anyone, what is the point of continuing dating him?

-Ashley
But he does.
There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend not wanting to settle down before he is thirty. People change so much in their 20's that I think it is actually a mature decision on his part. The two of you may have less in common in ten years (and you are already finding out that you have less in common with your life plans). If more people waited until they were 30 to marry I think we would have a lot more happier marriages.
Regardless of my opinion, you have to listen to your boyfriend's words. He has been very clear with you about his plans. Don't try to change his mind or hope that he will change it on his own. Can you live with this decision or do you want to pursue someone else who will want to marry you and provide a family in the next few years?
i am not saying that i even want to get married in the next few years though. i am just saying that i do not want to wait until i am thirty to even think about getting married. i know a guy who was about 30 years old and dating his gf for several years. finally, she gave him an ultimatum (not one i would give, but still) that they had been dating for years, and if she wasnt getting a ring anytime soon, then she wanted to end the relationship--harsh, but it worked...they got married and had kids...
now dont think that i would ever give anyone that type of ultimatum...her's was too extreme...it worked for her, but who knows, for any other guy, it probably wouldnt.
ive talked to some who agree with you, that maybe its a good thing to find this out now, and move on, so we can both be happy doing the things we want to do...but then on the other hand, i have talked to some, who say that because he is only 20, he will change. i have never met anyone who could NEVER see themselves getting married at some point in their lives, until now.
i guess i am just so confused, we both have one year of school left, and im sure me being 1 1/2 years older than him doesnt help our situation...
i dont know, i guess im just rambling on now (in many run-on sentences)
thanks for listening
'i have talked to some, who say that because he is only 20, he will change.'
Do not bank on this. These people do not know what he thinks or feels. Again, you have to listen to his words and not live on hope.
Good luck
errr why can't I just be happy