Boyfriend's friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Boyfriend's friend
2
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:45pm
My boyfriend of 1 1/2 year has a female friend he has known for 15 years. She is his best friend's younger sister. A year ago, she revealed to him that she wants to have a relationship with him. At the time, we had broken up so I couldn't comment much about it.

He let her down gently, saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. Then a couple months later, we got back together. She kept asking him to hang out with her (just the two of them), go see a movie and have dinner. Every time they planned something together though, something would happen and it would not follow through. Around Christmas, she invited him to her family Christmas gathering. He asked her parents if he could bring me along and they said yes, but in the end, we both decided not to go because we didn't want to upset her at her own house party by showing up together.

I've never met her in person. Before I knew she liked him, I would ask him to ask her to join us when we go to the movies or hang out, but she would decline, saying she didn't want to be the third wheel (now I know why).

Should I be understanding that she doesn't make any effort to know me or befriend me, because she likes him? Should I not be hurt when she sends him a birthday card and writes things like "I hope we can get together pretty soon and your girlfriend doesn't mind sharing you for one night"?

My boyfriend and I've talked about marriage and future, which might not happen for a long time (Which is okay with me), but I don't want this to bother me everytime she asks him to hang out with her exclusively. So far, he hasn't gone out with her either because he's spending time with me or doing something else.

Any input will be appreciated. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:35pm
Well, at least he's not encouraging her, but neither is he telling her that there NO CHANCE ever. He's keeping you in the loop which is good. And no, she's not going to befriend you because of her feelings.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 3:23pm
I don't know. In my opinion, he didn't let her down gently...he let her think that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that gives her hope that maybe there will be something in the future, which is why she keeps pestering him. What he needs to do is tell her he's with you and no, he's not going to be shared. Period. The bottom line is that it sounds like this woman does not have a lot of respect for the relationship the two of you share, and it sounds like it's really bothering you, as I'm sure it would any woman. If you haven't already, be honest with your boyfriend about the fact that this bothers you. If you'd prefer he not go out with her alone (because you know as well as anyone does that she would more than likely put the moves on him), then be honest. If he were in your shoes, he'd feel the same way.