Boyfriend's hobby causing conflict
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Boyfriend's hobby causing conflict
| Thu, 02-26-2009 - 5:24pm |
So, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 1/2 years, living together for 1 1/2. Pretty much everythign is good in our relationship, except one area, which I know sounds like a strange problem. My boyfriend is very invloved in scouting as a leader and has been invloved in the scouts for the past

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Is this really about the scouts?
The thing is, this isn't a hobby, this is his life.
He insists on the "just a hobby" terminology because he knows you don't like it and he wants to underplay its importance so you don't get pissed.
His actions are more important here. It really is the way he lives his life, and if you've tried telling him how you feel but he doesn't change, then maybe it's time to take more drastic measures. You need to approach this from an angle of "I'd like more 'us' time" rather than "I'd like you to spend less time scouting". If you still don't get anywhere, perhaps you should start thinking of whether or not you can stay here and still feel fulfilled.
Welcome to the board emilya83,
You've already gotten good input, I just wanted to add some reading material for you to consider:
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Are You the One for Me? Barbara DeAngelis
Keys to the Kingdom, Alison Armstrong
If you had more time with him would it make a difference?
I have some difficulty with the scouts' ethos as well (specifically their exclusion of gay people), but this is obviously a huge part of who your BF is.
How much time does this take up? Is it a normal hobby amount of time (eg the same amount he'd spend playing tennis or soccer) or is it seriously infringing on your time together?
Some people are motivated by the concept of - Value Contribution to Society - as part of who they are as people.
I've never once told him not to do it, I would never feel comfortable doing that. It just bothers me that he's willing to break dates at the last minute, come home hours late and neglect other things that need to be done. He makes me feel like his scouting is more important to him than anything else in life except his job. I feel like it's been his life and his identity for so long, and since he has never had much of a serious relationship before, he never figured out how to include both. I feel the relationship should be a priority inless there's something else that absolutely has to be done. His reasoning for making scouting it such a priority is that he doesn't want to do something if he doesn't do it perfectly.
One other problem I have with it, is that most of the time it doesn't seem like what they're doing is all that benificial
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