Boyfriends wild actions scare me!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Boyfriends wild actions scare me!?
15
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 2:10am
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years. I moved across the country to be with him, he is the most amazing man I have ever meet in my life. We seem to have a lot in common but of course we have our rough times and differences as well. Gradually he has been making very unsafe decisions. He is twenty eight years old and doesn't seem to grasp the basic concept of safety. My friends are scarred to ride around on the jet-ski with him because he thinks nothing will happen since he has more Experience. He ignores the fact that statistics prove otherwise and blames accidents on inexperienced stupid people. When riding his Harley he doesn't wear a Helmet or other protection because he has experience. He thinks if something happens he will fall correctly. For instance a comment he made "If I fell off my bike at 130 mph I would be fine because my friend taught me how to fall. This idea seems off the wall and even crazy to me. To top it off he makes me feel stupid for wanting to wear a Helment and other protection. I told him I didn't want to get road rash or in an accident he said "We're just riding around town and I have years of experience". I do not know how to handle this. I love this man with all my heart but I don't want to have to answer the door to a police officer.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 2:23am

Oh dear, did his mental age not progress past 18? He sounds just like an invincible teenage boy.

Tell me this, do his actions ever put anyone else at risk? Not caring about his own safety is one thing, but if his delusions ever put others at risk, I'd be having serious second thoughts.

Also, do you plan to have kids with him if you marry? How would you feel if he told you your child didn't need a helmet? Because this is a very likely scenario.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 2:55am

If he crashed at 130 mph, he'd dismember his entire body.

Does he show signs of depression? I know that's a weird question, but to me it almost sounds like he is deliberately putting himself in danger... like the things he does could bring about certain death, but it wouldn't be 'suicide.' Sorry, I don't mean to be so morbid...

Someone please correct me if I'm way off base.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 6:05am

I'd be surprised if anyone can survive a motorcycle accident (particularly helmetless) going at 130mph.

Anyway, I'd be concerned about his actions, even if it didn't involve endangering others. By putting his own life at unnecessary risk, it will inadvertently affect you if he gets hurt or killed. But as someone else mentioned, if you plan on having kids at all, think very carefully about whether or not you want this man to be taking care of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 7:36am

I don't think it's a weird question at all...there must be some mental health issues going on here. We're talking serious delusional behaviour.

I Googled "mental health" and "invincible" and interestingly enough, I got multiple hits for bi-polar.

Just to make it clear, I'm not trying to diagnose him. But I am very concerned that he's got some type of mental health issue and believe he should seek professional help.

lsl8303, whatever you do, DON'T have children with this man until he gets his mental health under control.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:43am

I absolutely agree. If he crashes at 130 mph, assuming he weighs about 180 pounds, he will impact the ground with a momentum of 23,400 pound-miles per hour, and come to an abrupt stop. The stop alone, at that velocity, would be damaging (if he could reach that speed through bungee-jumping or something)--the impact would be devastating.

Also, if he doesn't die, he will certainly be severely injured, perhaps paralyzed. I don't think he would enjoy that at all.

If his friend told him he could survive a 130 mph crash without injury by falling correctly, you have to assume that the friend is delusional, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:59am

Geo you were to kind at that rate of sustained speed, with that amount of pph he would be like a bug on a windshield.

Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:18am

Your boyfriend sounds grandiose, which means that he believes he is invincible and that nothing in the world can hapen to him. He has a hugely inflated sense of himself and yes, it is dangerous. Of course you should not go along with his crazy suggestions. You should also try to make him see some reality. That may be more than you can achieve with this guy.


You have to look closely and see how this manic and perhaps suicidal and self sabotaging behavior affects other aspects of his life. It can spread to all kinds of areas. I would also think carefully about establishing a long term relationship with him, despite feelings of love. Do you really want to make a life with a man who puts himself and othres

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:25pm
No I don't think you are being ridiculous on this idea, I often wonder this myself. I'm not sure how to approach him on this idea?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:43pm

Welcome to the board lsl8303,


You have every right to be concerned about his actions and way of thinking. He is risking the lives of himself and others riding with him.


Maybe if you try a different approach. You could try telling him that while you trust his driving/skills there is no way he can protect himself/others if some other driver runs a red light/stop sign/is speeding, etc.


I know a lot of guys in their twenties think they are indestructible, but this is a little extreme.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 5:51pm

I hate to be so negative here, I don't think there is any way for you to have him understand that he's unbalanced. You see, the feelings that make him feel invincible also make him feel that he's 100% correct. Quite frankly, I don't think he'll believe you.

I think the answer here is for you to decide if his actions are acceptable to you. And if they aren't acceptable to you, then it's 'game over' for the relationship.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace

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