A Break??
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| Fri, 09-03-2004 - 9:32am |
A few things that really bother me is first, I am being put second to his job. He could make time for me (he has time to spend hours at his brother's place. He says b/c this is where he lets off steam). He could call me while he is driving from his job, etc. and I have told him this. Still nothing. He tries to say the phone works both ways, so I have called him several times this week. He either doesn't answer his phone or didn't have time to talk to me. Second, he is moving to another state b/c of work. Now his company has not been very good about giving him a solid date, yet I found out from another source that he is moving the end of the month and his family is having a farewell party for him this week-end. This is what really bothers me. I asked him about this and he claims he told me about the moving and that nothing is still confirmed, and that he just assumed I would be going to the party. Well now we decided to take a "breather" so even though I will be in his town all week-end I am not to see him. I know some of you may be thinking that he is cheating b/c, trust me, I have. But I don't think he is cheating. But I am sceptical that his feelings seemed to change all with in the last three weeks. He said he still loves me.
He claims we need this "breather" to back off each other and to appreciate each other again. I feel like the breather for him is to see if he really wants me in his life. He is moving and our plan was for me to move with him eventually. A couple months ago he told me he wanted to marry me. Told is the key word here. He didn't really ask me although he did ask me if this is something I would want with him.
I am hurt. I some how went from the love of his life, someone who made him happy to someone he has to "deal" with. And in the back of my head I keep thinking that he was planning on moving and never telling me, just disappearing. He is suppose to call me next week when his big work project is over, but I don't know that he will. I also feel as though I need to be tough and just move on without him. I have been in so much pain these past three weeks that I am afraid this will just be yet another toxic relationship. Ya know I didn't even really want to go out with him a year ago and now I just love him so much. Why is it that as soon as I love someone so very much, they decide the opposite.

Basically, I think he's just having trouble multi-tasking...so many men do! I'm not saying it's right, but it's a pretty common male trait to withdraw when work (or something else) is stressful. I would give it until next week after his project is over and see if he improves (I bet he will). Plus, being uncertain about you (due to you breaking up with him) could be causing him to say that he loves and misses you less often.
The guy I'm seeing (also long-distance) went through a similar withdrawal when his dad died. I did my best not to take it personally and we got through it (it was hard, though).
The real question is, can you accept that this is how he is? Unless he makes a conscious effort to change his behavior, this will happen again the next time work gets overwhelming.
Sheri
But some things stand out to me as not making sense. His family is giving him a going away party and you are not invited? He knows when he is moving yet he never told you? There shouldn't be any confusion here. IMO, you should have had some talks about this.
So break up, on a break, taking a breather, whatever, it seems like there are some communication problems here.
I don't know how much you can do about it for the next week. Sit tight and hopefully you will get some answers.