break up blues
Find a Conversation
break up blues
| Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:03am |
I need some advise. I'm a single mom, divorced 2 years ago. Since then I've been dating the most wondeful guy I've ever met. We've been through so many ups and downs. He's my first love. When we first start dating, he was already in a relationship. I know it was wrong but at the time, newly divorce and feeling free, I wanted to experience new things. He was very sweet and we had an open relationship for the first couple of months. As things start getting serious, he wanted my devotion, which I gave although he didn't. He was still with his girl. For a whole year, I stood by him, sharing him. Meanwhile, his insecurities grew. He always acusing me of being a big flirt. I admit I gave him reasons to be. I'd thought that if he sees me in that way, he'll show jealousy and that'll prove that he does care for me beyond just a chick on the side. We had many fights and always gotten back together immediately. He left her and we've been together everyday ever since. I tried so hard to make him see that I will never leave him and that he wouldn't have to regret choosing me. I gave him everything. My kids love him and he also in return. We're so great together. Just two days ago, we broke up. He saw me with my manager and made a big fuse over nothing. Accusing me of trying to flirt with him. Mind you that he thinks this way with every guy I talk to. Now he wouldn't even talk to me. I've tried to make him listen, but he doesn't hear any of it. He said this was the last straw, that he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. It's only been two days but we've never faught and not be together this long. I love him with all my heart. I can't be without him and I'm scared. he's everything good to me. I don't know what I'll do without him. I know reading this people would just tell me that in time, things will work itself out. I'd say the same, but I can't stand the chance of loosing him forever. What should I do? Any advise would help. Thanks, lost79

You say that this man is "everything good" to you. How sad for your children. I hope you don't tell them that.
You're placing all of your happiness on a man, which is your first mistake. Second, it's on a man who is obviously not right for you. Doesn't your relationship suffer from the insecurity that whenever you fight the relationship ends? Even if you immediately get back together that's a huge strain to put on a relationship and if you carry that on too long then the damage will be irreversible.
All while he's still dating someone else. If he really wanted to be with you exclusively then he would be.
You need to find something good in your life other than your boyfriend. He's a jealous, insecure loser no matter what good you might see in him. You're giving him everything you've got in a desperate attempt to keep him around, which is your third huge mistake.
I also like that he can have you as a girlfriend-on-the-side while he flips out of he thinks you're flirting with someone else.
WAKE UP. Staying with him is a terrible idea and the longer you cling on to him the worse it will get. End it, if he hasn't ended it already. You don't need him in your life, he is JUST A MAN.
No it won't work itself out.....Losing him forever? Did you really ever have him? Your relationship started off with both of you lying and cheating (he was in a relationship). Where was the TRUST and Honesty and Respect? You were playing a game with him showing him how flirty you could be to show him what he was missing. Games don't belong in an adult loving relationship. I hate to say it but you brought that on yourself by playing games with him.
Maybe he is accusing you because, he is cheating on you like he did with his other gf with you, he knows you cheated with him so you will do it to him, he is insecure, it really doesn't matter. You cannot change him, HE is the only one that can fix himself. Maybe you need to get out of this relationship, work on yourself, make yourself a happy healthy person and find someone that is the same way. Start the next relationship on positive terms.
You have to respect yourself before anyone else can respect you.
Good luck
Welcome to the board lost79,
Sounds like you have a very distorted view of what love is.
Hon this guy is NOT a "wonderful man".
you wanted jealousy and that is what you got.
the behaviors you've written about are not those of an emotionally healthy woman or mother.
please seek the professional help so that you can understand why this situation has impacted you the way it has.
sorry for your pain.