bridge is burning!!
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bridge is burning!!
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 10:28am |
oh my god have I screwed it up! can someone help me put out the fire before it’s too late??? I’ve been doing this multi-dating thing… seeing a couple of guys. I’ve been up front, that I am not looking for commitment so I think I’m ok on that side. but I like one more than the other. a lot more. and I told him last week I have no interest in anyone else. that started sending everything downhill. last monday I went to his house and told him that I’m confused, I think emotionally I want more than I’m mentally ready for. cuz we’ve both talked about not being ready for commitment. I’ve told him that I’m new to this multidating thing (he even told me he doesn’t want to hold me back and to go out and do stuff.) but when I said that he said it’s not like he was promoting it…. he just didn’t want to hold me back from anything. (um, ok? mixed signal??)
I like him a lot more than the other guy I’m seeing. I like his personality, we can talk about all sorts of stuff, we have great sexual chemistry (haven’t done the deed--just great tension and we mesh well), and have a lot of the same values. the other guy is pretty boring and dumb.
a few weeks ago (the guy I want to be with) he was talking about going to the circus with our kids. he has a daughter I have met, and my son. he was talking about being excited about meeting my son. short version is, I panicked and told him I was scared of that. too much too soon. then he agreed and we even went to the show at separate times to avoid running into each other. he said we should keep it just us, no kids in the equation yet. I agreed.
so last nite was the tip of the iceberg. his aunt died last week and he has been pretty distant, I thought mostly due to grieving. but now that I think about it, it’s been more since the circus episode. (I think he panicked.) we went out last weekend and had a great time. but he gave me a weird compliment when we said goodnite. he said “you are a very kind person”. no one’s ever said that to me before, and I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. so I said, does that mean u don’t want to see me again? and he said no, it was just a compliment. ok….?? then I didn’t hear from him again. we had been talking every day. then I heard nothing sunday and monday. finally I left a message yesterday morning saying I was worried about him (grieving the aunt?) and to call me. no call. then I couldn’t take it anymore and got pissed. I don’t like not getting calls returned. I think its’ rude. (huge pet peeve of mine). so I left a curt message saying to call me. he called last nite. he knew I was aggravated and wanted to hear it from me. I said I hate limbo land, not getting calls returned, that I’m frustrated about everything in my life (job, home, relationships, etc), and just had a bad day. he ended up getting it out of me that I was mostly pissed at his distance. he said he didn’t know what to do, he thinks I want more and am ready for more than he is. that even though I say I’m not ready for commitment, my actions say otherwise. I guess he’s right. how do I stop that? cuz I feel like I’ve taken control of a train and driven it full speed off the tracks into a cliff!!
after we talked last nite, I said I’d call him back. I did, then had to cut it short. when I called later, no answer. so i left a long message explaining how i felt, just so i wouldn't forget later. then i remembered more and left another message. (idiot!!) but at least he told me he'd rather i be honest and tell him how i feel, so i did.
then i sent a txt msg last nite around midnite when i remembered something else. and again this morning... just random thoughts. i finally left a message on his viocemail on my way to work saying i wanted to talk to him, to lay it all out. either at lunch today or after work, just to call me and let me know what is good for him.
he probably thinks i'm nuts. i know i am. he said he thinks i want more and am ready for more than he is. and what should we do from here? i said there are pretty much 2 options... stay or go. he said what should we do? i had no idea. he says he thinks he is making me miserable cuz I want more than him right now. but I don’t know!!
i thought about it all morning and even cried. he’s made me think alot. i DON'T know what i want. will i ever????!
i'm such a spaz. i know. he did call me back this morning.... so that's a slight plus. he called to tell me he's working and can't do lunch, but he said i could stop by after work to talk. i asked if he got my 1,000 messages and he said yes. and that it was a lot. i said a lot of messages, or a lot of thoughts. he said a lot of thoughts.... oh boy! i've done it now. :-( i said i am sorry i screwed things up, i just need to relax and shut up. he didn't say anything. crap. dammit dammit dammit!
now i have no idea what to do. I really think I screwed things up. they were fine before I opened my big mouth and started confusing myself. why couldn’t I just leave things alone?? i don't even know what i want now. even from him. i'm so embarrassed!
I like him a lot more than the other guy I’m seeing. I like his personality, we can talk about all sorts of stuff, we have great sexual chemistry (haven’t done the deed--just great tension and we mesh well), and have a lot of the same values. the other guy is pretty boring and dumb.
a few weeks ago (the guy I want to be with) he was talking about going to the circus with our kids. he has a daughter I have met, and my son. he was talking about being excited about meeting my son. short version is, I panicked and told him I was scared of that. too much too soon. then he agreed and we even went to the show at separate times to avoid running into each other. he said we should keep it just us, no kids in the equation yet. I agreed.
so last nite was the tip of the iceberg. his aunt died last week and he has been pretty distant, I thought mostly due to grieving. but now that I think about it, it’s been more since the circus episode. (I think he panicked.) we went out last weekend and had a great time. but he gave me a weird compliment when we said goodnite. he said “you are a very kind person”. no one’s ever said that to me before, and I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. so I said, does that mean u don’t want to see me again? and he said no, it was just a compliment. ok….?? then I didn’t hear from him again. we had been talking every day. then I heard nothing sunday and monday. finally I left a message yesterday morning saying I was worried about him (grieving the aunt?) and to call me. no call. then I couldn’t take it anymore and got pissed. I don’t like not getting calls returned. I think its’ rude. (huge pet peeve of mine). so I left a curt message saying to call me. he called last nite. he knew I was aggravated and wanted to hear it from me. I said I hate limbo land, not getting calls returned, that I’m frustrated about everything in my life (job, home, relationships, etc), and just had a bad day. he ended up getting it out of me that I was mostly pissed at his distance. he said he didn’t know what to do, he thinks I want more and am ready for more than he is. that even though I say I’m not ready for commitment, my actions say otherwise. I guess he’s right. how do I stop that? cuz I feel like I’ve taken control of a train and driven it full speed off the tracks into a cliff!!
after we talked last nite, I said I’d call him back. I did, then had to cut it short. when I called later, no answer. so i left a long message explaining how i felt, just so i wouldn't forget later. then i remembered more and left another message. (idiot!!) but at least he told me he'd rather i be honest and tell him how i feel, so i did.
then i sent a txt msg last nite around midnite when i remembered something else. and again this morning... just random thoughts. i finally left a message on his viocemail on my way to work saying i wanted to talk to him, to lay it all out. either at lunch today or after work, just to call me and let me know what is good for him.
he probably thinks i'm nuts. i know i am. he said he thinks i want more and am ready for more than he is. and what should we do from here? i said there are pretty much 2 options... stay or go. he said what should we do? i had no idea. he says he thinks he is making me miserable cuz I want more than him right now. but I don’t know!!
i thought about it all morning and even cried. he’s made me think alot. i DON'T know what i want. will i ever????!
i'm such a spaz. i know. he did call me back this morning.... so that's a slight plus. he called to tell me he's working and can't do lunch, but he said i could stop by after work to talk. i asked if he got my 1,000 messages and he said yes. and that it was a lot. i said a lot of messages, or a lot of thoughts. he said a lot of thoughts.... oh boy! i've done it now. :-( i said i am sorry i screwed things up, i just need to relax and shut up. he didn't say anything. crap. dammit dammit dammit!
now i have no idea what to do. I really think I screwed things up. they were fine before I opened my big mouth and started confusing myself. why couldn’t I just leave things alone?? i don't even know what i want now. even from him. i'm so embarrassed!
Signatures On
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:14am |
First off, I thought your post was cute, sincere and heartfelt I mean. Secondly, didn't you notice the timing of his saying that you want more than him? It was AFTER YOU didn't want to go to the circus together or to bump into each other there with your kids. Have you ever thought that maybe he's making you crazy so you'll want him? If he withdraws, you chase, and vice versa. I think he wants you, he just wants you to want him, for sure. Now he's just waiting patiently while you where yourself out. My SO does something similar with me. Good luck.
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 11:46am |
Guys have a tendency to play games... we all do... And you sound a lot like me in this respect... Once we get frustrated we feel like we HAVE TO let it all out.... and after we do, we regret it and think we are so stupid. As stupid as we are... try to remember that you are the one being honest here..... but at the same time it could hurt you.. the fact that you pour it all out and then the guy says nothing. I get the same thing and it does hurt....and then you get afraid of what you are going to hear from the guy. I say take things slow... give it a rest for a few days. If you do talk to him about this tonight, just talk...... but don't dwell on it.... try and play it off... I see a therapist once a week and she told me that if you keep asking questions and dwelling on a situation when the other person doesn't even have concrete thoughts... it comes off as NEEDY.... and pushes them away... so, just give it time.... I'm telling you... I have the same problem in a way.... Please read my post and comment... it should be under the name Sogno2003... I also posted some more under a name "Melody".... This is the beginning of your relationship with this man.... crying should not be in the equation.. but love hurts sometimes.. :)
