Broke up with bf, now want him back

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2011
Broke up with bf, now want him back
6
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 3:28am
Hi,

I ended my relationship 9 months ago after dating for 6 months. Prior to that we were close friends for several years. After the breakup, we tried to go back to being friends, but it was really hard and we drifted apart somewhat. I recently came to the realization that I really do love him and think he is the person I should be with. I told him how I felt and he says that he still is in love with me as well. We have been communicating regularly via phone, text, and email. However, he has told me that he is afraid that I'm going to hurt him again. I am not the most open person in terms of sharing my feelings and I know this made him feel unsure of where he stood with me when we were together, but I am trying hard to work on this aspect of myself. How can I show him that I love him and that it will be different this time around? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 9:38am

WHY will it be different this time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 12:47pm

I agree with GeoTeo.........what made you break up, and what makes you think anything will be different?

As you now know, being "friends" with someone for years doesn't mean you "know" them......in the same way that being in a relationship lets you REALLY know someone.

And after a breakup, being friends doesn't usually work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:20pm
Thanks guys. As lame as it sounds, honestly, I broke up with him because I was scared. I loved him, but I was afraid of getting hurt so I ran away. I have not dated anyone (or even attempted to) since then. So I guess I did not suddenly realize I loved him; those feelings were always there. Rather, I realized that I shouldn't let my fear of getting hurt stop me from being with someone I truly care about. We actually had a good relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:33pm
So to protect your own feelings, you hurt his feelings painfully. I can understand his reluctance to become involved with someone who has shown herself to be unreliable (sorry, but there it is). What steps have you taken to resolve your insecurities? If you haven't dated for nine months, it sounds like you have a lot to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 4:45pm

It sounds like you broke up with your boyfriend because of psychological issues you need to address. I agree with the others here that

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2011
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 6:04pm
I actually have been seeing a therapist the past couple of months to deal with the issues and it's been helpful. I didn't want to try to date again because 1) i'm still in love with my ex and 2) I knew I needed to resolve my own problems before I tried to have another relationship with anyone. I completely understand his hesitation, but I just want to show him that I am dealing with my issues and really want to be a better partner this time around. I really appreciate the advice and honesty, guys. Thanks again!