Broke up but still together?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Broke up but still together?!
5
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:27am

So this is my first post and I really need some help. My ex and I have been together for a little over a year now. We met almost 2 years ago while he was in Iraq through a friend of mine. We instantly hit it off and when we decided to meet when he got home we knew we had to be together. The first three months were on fire! The only interference we had was his wife he had been separated from for 3 years. They have

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:45am

Welcome to the board katyj_24,


I have to say I wonder if he has really ended things with his ex. Obviously, you wonder the same thing since you check his email, phone, texts, etc.


If you are supposed to be broken up, then I would start acting like it. Don't sleep in the same bed, etc. Otherwise nothing will change otherwise.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 11:49am
I have wondered the same thing. I cant honestly say my gut goes one way or another. I dont see him wanting her because like I said shed be here not me and the divorce wouldnt be going through. He tells me he cant stand her and feels like he needs to be there for her sometimes because she is his daughters mother. I just cant understand why he cant get it through his head that she wont change and all she wants to do is cause hell in his life like she has always done. Even before me.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 12:10pm
He will always have to be in contact with her since they share a daughter. However, at this point there doesn't need to be any conversions other than things regarding their children. Especially since she tends to send inappriotate text things. He needs to learn to set some boundaries with her. But you always have to remember that he can't control what she does either.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 12:47pm

Welcome to the board katyj_24,


In addition to what's already been said, I'd like to ask.... what is he trying to get his head together about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 12:58pm
I asked him exactly what was there to get "together" in his head. He told me that he has a lot with work and he is afraid of the whole comittment thing. He told me that hes afraid we will end up like him and his ex. He told me he loves me more than anything and does not want to be with her. He said it never has and never will work out with them. He told me that he feels in a rut with me. Being ok and then fighting a lot. The last huge fight that broke us up, he actually sat down and told me what I do that bothers him. I would never change myself for anyone, but I do see now that I didnt respect his feelings when he would ask for some space. So my thinking is why ruin something that could be so wonderful once we fix what needs fixing. I think the whole engagement issue threw him into this. I mean I just met his daughter a month ago and she is staying with us now. Her and I are so close. I cant understand and dont know how to get through to him that if he just lets it go we could work this out.