Broken Engagement

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Broken Engagement
9
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 10:07am

I had an amazing relationship with my best friend for 5 years, we were friends for 4 years before we dated and we were engaged for almost 1 year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 11:01am

You broke up with him and expected him to wait around until you were ready to get back together. This is unfair. You can be angry that he is moving on but it is unreasonable.


I honestly think that you are too young to be married. Enjoy your twenties dating others, finding your career, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 11:06am

I have seen this before. My own parents went through it after six years together - they moved out of their apartment and lived separately and dated others for about a year before he came back and married her. Yesterday was their 28th wedding anniversary.

I know it's hard to hear this and really be able to accept it, because it requires an understanding of how helpless you are when it comes to him making up another person's mind. It also requires letting go of the idea that you can MAKE him come back and trusting in his ability to make the right decision for himself. So here it is, in caps because CAPS mean FUN:

A) IF/WHEN HE REALIZES THAT HE NEEDS YOU IN HIS LIFE, HE WILL COME BACK.
B) HE NEEDS TO TAKE TIME TO REALIZE THIS OR IT WILL NOT BE AS CLEAR.
C) THINGS *WILL* TURN OUT FOR THE BEST!!
D) CONSIDER THAT IN ITS OWN WAY, HOWEVER IT TURNS OUT, THIS IS A *GOOD* and *ENLIGHTENING* STEP FOR YOU BOTH.

If with time apart, you decide to re-engage, the date will not be as important as being married to one another.

Please don't be scared - lots of couples go through this and lots of them come out better for it. You seem to have a really great relationship that just needed this evaluation period. From the way he is acting I think he will come back to you. Take this time to devote all of your energy to yourself and go out and do things you wouldn't normally do (I don't mean a one night stand with the entire Swedish beach volleyball team, I mean like taking a pottery class) and his heart will eventually ache to have you back.

Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Thu, 08-28-2008 - 1:23pm
Thank you for the wonderful advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2008
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 3:00am

Z
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 9:16am

How often are you guys dating each other and/or seeing each other regularly at this point?


If you are dating/seeing each other regularly, then I would encourage you to just relax and enjoy that time.


If you are NOT dating/seeing each other regularly, then maybe you should set that as an objective.


Be encouraged that you did the right thing by postponing your wedding date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 1:50pm

Hi fisher0317,


I answered your post on the other board...I just wanted to welcome you to this board and tell you that I think you've gotten some good input here.





angels


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 3:42pm
I'm going to suggest something different than what you have heard already.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:56pm
Thank you for that, I hadn't even considered that really.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 11:24pm

<< Thank you for that, I hadn't even considered that really. >>


You're welcome.