broken promises/ lies ever mendable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
broken promises/ lies ever mendable?
1
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 2:06am
Hi this is the first time i've written on here i just wanted different opinion on something: i've beeen married for about 2 years (we barely knew each other when we got married, it was a blind date/arranged type thing) well the 9 months we were married it was good and i thought okay not my ideal but things got bad when he moved out to be closer to schoolan hour away to work on his phD i was going to work and getting going to school also and could not move with him .. but he did not want to compromise a move half way between any way that's not the issue I have trouble (for hundreds of reasons) believing he truly loves me or cares for me... some of it i contribute becuase of our different upbringing (i grew up in the US, he grew up in korea). but from thinking back on everything i think he really only married me to get a visa and start a business here in the US since the 2 years are up and basically i can't kick him out of the country..i've thought about divorice hundred of times packed a suitcase and left several times and he always begs me to come back he won't do it again( lying, drinking ..etc) I've yelled at him so loud and non stop i just hate the person i've become.. i'm so full of rage that he just keeps lying and making me his last proirity there's just too much hurt that he has caused me and i just can't get pass some of the things he said ( about my weight,looks etc...he doesn't want to spend quality time unless it's something he likes to do he makes all these excuses " i'm too busy i have to study..etcc..." and turn around 2 days later to go drinking at his friends house until 5am in the morning. i've talked to my mother in law and she just says be patient and his dad is the EXACT Same way.. the last time he drank so much he peed in our king size bed i'm so tired of all his empty promises and his lack of responsibity towards me and all my friends and family are tired of me just complaining and never following thru on my threats of divorce. I know he's never going to change and we really have nothing in common i really do not know now why the heck i thought this was even going to work.. i thought my commitment to marriage was the same as his but i guess it's not. i mentioned couseling but he said lets wait until after the semester is over.. because he said it would make him unable to concentrate. like his degree is above our marriage falling apart. i just can't belive he can lie so easily! he always saids that all men are like this but i know they aren;t so iiresponible . and it's like he thinks or i feel he thinks that i'm just some cheap 2nd class wife or something it's a long story .. but really he made the big fuss of writing out a promise and signing it that he would never smoke or drink again .. and i wasn't gone 12 hours and i caught him smokinga ciggarette and let that one go but honestly he stays out until 2am to "study" and last week i smelled alcohol on his breath and he admitted and after that he just started having acouple beers everyday after that i ranted and raved and nagged and b---ched for 4 days straight about him breaking the promise and i'm jsut so sick and tired of him breaking all his promises this is like the millionth time.. i don't understand! how does one go about promising one thing and saying he loves you and then turn right around and hurt you ? i don' tknow what to belive or understand.. help to clarify am i being the psycho and being to clingy or is he just a fake?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:31am

no i don't think this is "fixable". i don't think its a 'cultural' thing either - there are honest and dishonest people on all sides of the globe. its actually quite simple: either YOU