brother is seeing bf's ex gf

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
brother is seeing bf's ex gf
4
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 9:14am
My boyfriend and i have been together for almost seven years. In the past we have had problems and been on and off. During our last break up he started to see someone and well that was for less then a month we worked things out and now we are planning on getting married. The problem is that now my brother who is friends with that girl seems too be spending too much time with her. I think they are dating. The other day when i got home i found her in my house and well they weren't doing anything but still i see that something is going on. I talked to my brother and told him i didn't mind if they were seeing each other (i actually do) but to not bring her here. Am i wrong to get in between? It's just hard to see her, and in my house. My brother seems to like her, how can I go about this?



Ok, now that you have read this and made up your mind as to what to say look @ reply # 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 9:16am
I am the ex, i wrote about myself. I went out with this girl’s boyfriend that knowing much about them. He and i had met through another friend and he asked for my number and i did not give to to him thinking he was with someone. After we had a talk he told me that he and his girlfriend had split up about 2 months ago, i then said ok and gave him my number. His gf did call my house and was very rude to me telling me to stop calling him and i really had left him alone, and since she was calling my house and being rude i said some things to her. Well we split up and they got back together. This girl's brother was a close friend of mine not a life time friend but since we always went out together with the group and i hang out with guys mainly i saw him like another brother. We went on a trip and we begun seeing each other differently so after the trip we caught a movie here and there, but we were not intimate. We would talk about us and always got to the conclusion that we would not work because of the family history and we would stop calling and seeing each other. This would not last because we would always go back to doing the same. Not too long ago we decided to give it a try and though we didn't tell any one we did start going out seriously. Well we broke it up a few days ago when we had that same talk the thing is that this time it hurts us so much. We saw each other again the day after Valentines and it killed us both, being so close and yet unable to get close. I just wanted to get someone else’s view on the subject from her point of view. I’m trying to understand and see if she is being logical or selfish. Now that you have hear both sides of the story i would appreciate your thoughts on this. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 9:28am

Honestly, it doesn't matter if she is being logical or selfish, she feels the way she feels.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 10:35am

It's perfect normal for you to feel uneasy about seeing this girl in your own home. You have every right to decide who does and does not come into your home. Let your brother know that you are about to be married and feel uneasy being around your fiancee's ex. If he doesn't understand that, something is wrong. Secondly, if for some reason your brother does decide to continue his relationship with her, that is his choice to make. He can do it on his own time and in his own home. Unless the two of them become serious, there is no reason why you should have to be involved in his dating life. It's his business and doesn't have to involve you. He should not bring you into it at all. If for some reason, down the road, the two of them become really serious (engaged or whtaever, that's another story. But I wouldn't worry about that now. Go one step at a time and do what is right and appropriate now).


Good luck with your forthcoming marriage.


Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 2:11pm
I just wanted to say that I totally agree with drshoshanna's response.


Carrie