buliding trust after it has been broken?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
buliding trust after it has been broken?
1
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 12:25pm
ok well there is alot to this story..so ill just cut to it and ask...how do you possibly build trust back up in a relationship after cheating?..i did in like the first week or less that me and my bf started going out..i barely knew my bf..didnt think it would matter..but now almost a yr later..im so in love with him..i could never in my life hurt him like that again..well how do i get him to believe that..?..is it even possible..well take today for instance..he said he called from work 10 times..ok the phone never rang..not once!..no missed calls or anything..i was sleeping pretty much the whole morning and i just dont know how i can get him to believe it..he thinks im up to something..but his phone has been so messed up lately..his brother tried callling a billion times last week..and it only rang one time..well sorry if this is long i just really want to make my relationship work..and im definately in need of some advice..i want trust and happiness..i just dont know how that can be done..its so hard..=*(..just ask if you have any more questions about the situation..i really want to get throught this..thanx

*jess
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 12:39pm
Well this is a toughie. If what you did happened a year ago right in the very beginning of dating him I would think he could get past it. But when did he find out about it? What have things been like since? Have you done anything else to cause him to not trust you? Has he caught you lying? (even if it's something you deem insignificant.)

My take on trust is that there are many variables to this whole issue. There is no black and white. It depends upon what kind of personalities are involved, people's history and past experiences, how they were raised = all determines their ability to trust. So first you have to look at him. Second, you have to look at yourself. What kind of a person are you? What's your history? How were you raised? Third, when it comes to rebuilding and regaining trust you have to look hard at what situation broke that trust. Was it thoughtless? Malicious? Deceiptful? And how so? I guess what I am saying is that there is no real easy answer to your question. Perhaps if you share a little more about what is going on someone might be able to guide you through it. Just remember that there is only so much you can do on your side, the rest will ultimately be up to him.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi