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| Sun, 08-31-2008 - 11:40am |
My boyfriend and I have been living together about almost 9 months now. It has been total bliss and I love him more and more everyday,I am /was completely and totally happy.
About 2 weeks ago his brother came knocking at our door at midnight one evening with his girlfriend in tow and her 3 children (one which has severe ADD) They had been kicked out of thier parents house and needed a place to live . Neither of them had jobs at the time. Not being able to turn them into the streets my boyfriend accepted them into our home. It has been 2 weeks of pure hell. These people dont have a clue about how to respect someone elses home. The boy with ADD is constantly tearing up or breaking my things to which he recieves no punishment for. The teenage daughter uses my makeup and other beauty products in my bathroom (she even used my razor and scrunchy) I ask them not to eat in the bedrooms they are staying in..you would think this would be a given but they do it anyway. This list goes on forever.
They both have jobs now which is good but creates another problem...the kids are often at my house with no supervision or with my boyfriends brother who has no clue how to discipline and it leaves me to keep peace and order in my house,did i mention her son doesnt mind me at all. Talking to the parents is like talking to a wall. They think they do nothing wrong and im just being difficult. Talking to my boyfriend is much the same way. "this is his family and we must help them"
His brother got into this situation by inviting his internet girlfriend whom had had never met in person,to bring her kids and live with with him. He had been moved out of his parents home less than a month when they arrived. They got into trouble finacially right away because they are too immature to handle this situation.
He has pretty much destroyed his parents relationship and now hes working on ours. This doesnt seem to bother them.My boyfriend and i are constanly fighting because im so stressed. I have no feeling for these people anymore...i cant even like them. I dont like myself either...i hate the feelings im having and i dont know what to do. I love my boyfriend and i imagined we would get married someday and be happy. Now im not so sure.
Does anyone understand or am i just being "difficult"?

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well I'm sorry i have no advice, but from what I read I can assure you you're not being difficult and I can't imagine how you've gone this long.
Sorry you're going through this mess !!
No, you're not being difficult. Your home has been overrun by rude, ungrateful, userous people and your BF has not allowed you any say in the matter. I would find your situation intolerable. You have found out something very important about your BF. He places his loyalty to his brother over you - he will probably always do this even if you marry. You will come in second. Is this what you want?
I think you should move out, even if you can only afford a room somewhere. Tell your BF that you will consider moving back if and when his family moves out and only
Your BF needs to give his brother a deadline to move out, that has been discussed and agreed to with you.
Well this is what i suspected. I just needed an unbiased point of view. Probably the one thing that bothers me the most is that he did choose them over me and your right,that tells me something very important about him.
I feel for him because he was put in this situation to begin with. Most "family" would never do this to one another unless it was true emergency. (disabled,house burned down..something to that effect) I think his brother has disregarded the feelings of his entire family all his life and they just deal with it thinking its the only way. I honestly dont think they know any better.
I feel trapped as this house is rented to me and all the utilities are in my name and 90% of the materials in this house are mine...so me leaving isnt really an option and living in the texas panhandle where the oil boom is in full force...housing is very hard to find. So my option here is to throw them all out (which believe me has crossed my mind) Because of the oil boom i also dont see them getting out anytime soon. There just isnt housing.
I guess what i have to decide now is if I can live with someone who will always put me second and if i cant i should just cut my losses and leave,have all the utilities cut off and they can take over.
What really needs to happen is this girl needs to go back home and take her kids and wait until the brother is in a place where he can provide for his family....but being the irresponsible people they are im sure this isnt going to happen.
Im so depressed,stressed and unhappy............At least now i feel a little better about myself. I dont feel like im some uncaring monster thats unwilling to cooperate.
lynnin, I think everyone here would agree with you that these people are wrong to do what they're doing. This is also not the first time a woman's opinion has been stepped upon by her boyfriend who feels like he *needs* to do the "right" thing to someone just because they are family.
I hope you two can come up with a deadline by which time they need to be out. Much love and support to you..!
he did choose them over me
I don't think that is the case here - I just don't think your boyfriend thought it all the way through.
You probably won't want to do this, but if your BF won't come to agreement/deadline of when they must leave - and enforce it - well then, since the lease is in your name, you could wait for a day when they are all out of the house, and have the locks changed. Drastic yes, but what else can you do when it's YOUR house? How can your BF decide who lives in YOUR house without your agreement?
You should also lock up whatever is very valuable, and keep all your personal things in your room with that door locked at all times.
Something happened last night and i want opinions (im going a bit crazy here) When they first moved in here i told them where they could park thier car. My BF and I both have our own cars and we have a double carport in the front of the house,I told them to park around back. Fine...they have been doing that up until recently.They have decided they like to park behind my BF's car now instead. They did this several days in a row until i finally said something to the BF and he thinks im being too picky about it and its no big deal. The way i see it is disrespect. I specifically asked them to park in the back and because they are too lazy to walk a few extra steps they just disregard what i asked. Is this disrespect or am i being "too picky"? He did tell his brother to stop parking behind him but this is how he did it "You need to stop parking behind me because it pisses Lynn off and shes gonna bite my head off if you dont stop" Probably not those exact words but he made it clear to his brother that hes only asking him because im being a b****. I was pretty upset because to me its disrespect of me on my BF's part to do that...i mean shouldnt he be standing up for me and supporting me instead of making me out to be the bad guy?...no wonder they walk all over me.
Also they have a habit of leaving the house and not telling anyone they are leaving and leaving the kids here with us. I also see this as disrespect...what do you think?
My BF and I argue over this kind of BS...Im tired of having to treat these people like children and im REALLY tired of my BF defending them. Im just almost done with this whole mess. Im getting the attitude that i just dont care anymore.
"You need to stop parking behind me because it pisses Lynn off and shes gonna bite my head off if you dont stop"
Your boyfriend is an awful communicator. JUST... AWFUL.
Yeah he should be standing up for you NO MATTER WHAT. Badmouthing you to other people shows his real feelings for you. They're not pretty. A good guy will defend his girl's "honor" (or whatever you want to call it) even if he thinks she is wrong. He's using you as a scapegoat so he doesn't have to be the bad guy.
"Also they have a habit of leaving the house and not telling anyone they are leaving and leaving the kids here with us. I also see this as disrespect...what do you think?"
It's not only disrespectful to you, it's crappy parenting.
I hope that even though these people will be leaving your house, you seriously reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend.
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