Can he change?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Can he change?
4
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 4:24am

My boyfriend has a habit of using drugs and hiding it. We met over 2 years ago, during freshmen year of college. A few months after we started seeing each other, his behavior started changing. He stopped treating me with respect, acted like he didn't care about me anymore,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 5:51am

No, I don't think you should get back together with him - you are not compatible with your values - not saying you are right and he is wrong - I have smoked plenty of pot in my life so there is certainly no judgment from me about his smoking - but if you find it unacceptable (and that is your right), then you are simply not a good match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 7:31am

I don't think so either. Not only has he broken your trust in him, but he's proven himself to be either drug-addicted or he just doesn't care about quitting. You don't need someone like that to bring you down with him, and it will happen. One thing I've learned after graduating college is that those who use drugs and those who don't do not have harmonious relationships.

If he's really serious about quitting, he needs to quit for himself, not to win you back. The worst thing for his pot smoking would be to get back together with you - he'd be too comfortable, back where he used to be, and he'd go back to old habits. If you really love this guy, stay away from him. If he's clean for a few months or so, and if you still have feelings for him, maybe you can see about that second chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 11:32am

Welcome to the board whatstherightanswer,


I agree with the two previous posters. Do not get back together with him. As the daughter of two addicts I can tell you that they don't change until they really want to. Obviously, he doesn't want to change for you or he already would have. He is only going to continue to lie to you about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 12:55pm

Welcome to the board whatstherightanswer,


You are right he has a problem. HOWEVER, you cannot help him, fix him or save him.