Can I accept marajuana use?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Can I accept marajuana use?
13
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 5:58pm
I am a 29 year old female. Seven years ago I became involved with a man who had a drug and alcohol problem. At the time I thought I could fix it, but I learned that I couldn't. Our relationship became physical one afternoon when he attacked me, while under the influence of alcohol and marajuana. I was choked to the point that I almost passed out. It took me a long time to get over the fact that I could not help him, and that he had turned on me and hurt me so badly. I have never done drugs and I did not understand why they absorbed so much of his life. Now, 8 years later, I am involved with a wonderful guy. He is caring, funny, talented and loving. My problem is, he is a marajuana smoker. At first I tried to look past it and learn to accept it. He doesn't have a bad temper when he smokes like my ex did, but the smell of it reminds me of the past and it brings back terrible memories of the day I was attacked. He thinks that I should learn to compromise and accept it here and there. But I don't know if I can. I need your help girls! Am I holding on to bad memories that I just need to let go of? Should I move forward with my relationship? Should I learn to compromise on the issue? Or, should I end it based on my experiences? I am so confused. Sometime I feel right by not accepting it, and then others bad for holding on to old memories.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 9:45am
"A guy that smokes pot is a loser" - What a ridiculously over-simplified and absurd statement. Does the same apply to men that drink alcohol?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 2:50pm
I am hoping to give somewhat decent advice from someone that has been in your shoes. My father was a heavy drug user and violent alcoholic. For years growing up I never understood why my mother put up with his abuse that more then one time sent either her or me to the hospital. And I still think that she is a strong women to this day for leaving him, just as you are for leaving your ex when he got physical with you. Personally I think that this new guy sounds great, his only flaw is that he smokes and unfortunalty this is the one flaw that is hardest for you to deal with. If you really love him and want this to work out I think that maybe you should compromise and tell him just not to do it around you and never in your house or car. Maybe you could try that for awhile and see what happens. If that doesn't work and you decide that you absolutley can not be with a man that uses marijuana then give him the ultimatium... there is the chance that he would choose weed, but theres the chance that he wont. And in the end at least you can say that tried.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 3:32pm
Cissy, I understand your concern. Marijuana is after all an illicit drug. However, there is no evidence that links marijuana to violence, in fact based on personal experiencce I would say that it might create just the opposite. Pot smokers tend to be peaceful and if anything low energy.

Drug addiction is a serious issue and based on your past experience you are wise to be concerned, but marijuana is not an addictive drug. Cocaine, Heroine, Alcohol and now Methamphetamines are very addictive and cause serious problems for their users.

What I recommend is that you ask your guy to not smoke around you. That way you will not have to smell it and this should alleviate your fears. As far as his behavior, you may not even notice any difference in him when he has been smoking, or at the worst he may just be a little sillier.

Good luck!

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