can I ever break down the wall of trust
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can I ever break down the wall of trust
| Mon, 09-27-2004 - 1:03pm |
dated 57 year old widow who has lived basically by herself for 21 years been burned by men
including her dead spouse had a affair with her sister among others. She has trust issues guys have dated her to borrow money NOT MY CASE
I am a 56 year old widower 20 monhts now since my wife died I have moved on dating this woman since June was and is wonderful but no committment and we were getting closer and her wall was coming down when the woman I had a affair with and whom i do love still and helped me get throught the death came back into my life. I dropped her in june because she would not pressureher husband to finish the divorce he justs needs to walk it to a judge. i decided i couldn't wait any longer plus no committment. She came over to my house and read my e-mails and in a sense stated stalking this new woman. Like a idiot I found out and did not tell the new one until last week when a there was a confrontation at my house. i still love the first one and wanted her back but i have lied to both up to last week . i could have told the second one nothing of the stalking thing and things would have been great but i felt i needed to tell her . Heres the trust thing the wall went back up so ina sense we are back to square 1.
Now the other i am finding it very hard to let the first one go. I have lied to her up to last week when i turned over a new leaf i know i put myself into this problem like digging a hole i knew all this would go down. She loves me dearly as i do her but.....
she is very jealous and of course does't believe me about anything anymore why should she of course but I know her soooo well 7.5 years for this affair. I bring her back in and i bring hope to her then i let her down this has been going on for 6 weeks.
I need to make a decision on which one to go with i like them both and would be happy with both of them They both bring joy to my life that has been missing since my wife died suddenly and without reason. The first one has been verbally abused and still sees
herx he comes over a lawyer by trade but a lousy one oh she is a Mormon but that doesn't matter to me we have been there for each other and there is a bond that is still there and will always be there. She has done some bad things to me but i still want her
The other because of the trust issue has stated that we may never advance to where it was before the meeting. My adult children know about this and it is driving them up the wall They think the first one is alittle nuts and like the new one. all this has affected me with depression etc.
I just really need to decide and thats the big problem back and forth Can i rebuild with either one. I know the first one will come to me but rebuild of course her trust
The second one as i said I am back at square one with. which is better The second real happy and joyful but again i go to the first just can't let her go too much hurt and pain by me to her.
including her dead spouse had a affair with her sister among others. She has trust issues guys have dated her to borrow money NOT MY CASE
I am a 56 year old widower 20 monhts now since my wife died I have moved on dating this woman since June was and is wonderful but no committment and we were getting closer and her wall was coming down when the woman I had a affair with and whom i do love still and helped me get throught the death came back into my life. I dropped her in june because she would not pressureher husband to finish the divorce he justs needs to walk it to a judge. i decided i couldn't wait any longer plus no committment. She came over to my house and read my e-mails and in a sense stated stalking this new woman. Like a idiot I found out and did not tell the new one until last week when a there was a confrontation at my house. i still love the first one and wanted her back but i have lied to both up to last week . i could have told the second one nothing of the stalking thing and things would have been great but i felt i needed to tell her . Heres the trust thing the wall went back up so ina sense we are back to square 1.
Now the other i am finding it very hard to let the first one go. I have lied to her up to last week when i turned over a new leaf i know i put myself into this problem like digging a hole i knew all this would go down. She loves me dearly as i do her but.....
she is very jealous and of course does't believe me about anything anymore why should she of course but I know her soooo well 7.5 years for this affair. I bring her back in and i bring hope to her then i let her down this has been going on for 6 weeks.
I need to make a decision on which one to go with i like them both and would be happy with both of them They both bring joy to my life that has been missing since my wife died suddenly and without reason. The first one has been verbally abused and still sees
herx he comes over a lawyer by trade but a lousy one oh she is a Mormon but that doesn't matter to me we have been there for each other and there is a bond that is still there and will always be there. She has done some bad things to me but i still want her
The other because of the trust issue has stated that we may never advance to where it was before the meeting. My adult children know about this and it is driving them up the wall They think the first one is alittle nuts and like the new one. all this has affected me with depression etc.
I just really need to decide and thats the big problem back and forth Can i rebuild with either one. I know the first one will come to me but rebuild of course her trust
The second one as i said I am back at square one with. which is better The second real happy and joyful but again i go to the first just can't let her go too much hurt and pain by me to her.
As you can see a major problem. I can't decide Always thought it would be easy

Carrie
In any event, if I'm woman #2, this is what I see:
1. A man who lost his wife unexpectedly less than 2 years ago
2. A man who cheated on his wife for an extended period of time
3. A man who lied to me about this woman's involvement in his life
All in all, I'd be saying, "Hmm...probably not a good bet for a healthy relationship!". Rebuilding with her is a long shot, IMO, especially since she was cheated on during her marriage. Why would she risk getting involved with a man who has a history of cheating?
Have you sought counseling to deal with the death of your wife? It just doesn't sound to me like you're in a good place for a healthy relationship with either one of these women (and it's pretty clear that woman #1 isn't healthy herself). Why not take, say, six months off from dating, and seek counseling in the meantime? I bet you'll be a whole lot clearer about what you want and what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Sheri
I have been in therapy for 5 years already still am
#2 feels that way of course but is willing to start again as if we are on a first date she can't promise me anything limited to seeing me 1 day aweek and no e-mails or phone too
She stated if I had not said a word about the "stalking" that things would have advanced beyond where they were and it was at a great point.
#1 is messed up and to some extent it is my fault I have strung her along and to this minute I can't lose her. Ask me 5 minutes later and it will be to forget about her
I can't take 6 months off dating there is a overwhelming need for me to have a woman in my life. Would Ibe happy with either of them yes but only one.
But that's just a layman's view on the outside looking in. I wish you luck and hope things work out for you.
Sheri