Can I help him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Can I help him?
1
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 8:09pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. He's in the military and since March of last year, he has been stationed in Germany. Through the past few months, he seems less and less interested in communicating with me. Phone calls are down to once a week and emails or anything else have become non-existent. We're both going through a difficult time right now as he leaves for Iraq next week and will be gone for the next year.

I tried talking to him about the way I've been feeling lately because I thought that the non-communication issues needed to be resolved before he left for Iraq, or else there was no way I could have made it through the year with him being there. All I wanted to know was if he still cared or not. And it turned into him not thinking we would make it. We both love each other very much and want to be together in the future, but his past relationships have always ended on a sour note, and not just romantic relationships, but relationships with family too. Now he's telling me that he was just meant to be alone in life, although he says he loves me and wants to be with me in the future. We're right in the middle of a catch-22 right now and I' lost.

This is something that needs to be worked out VERY soon, before he leaves for Iraq. We just can't leave it hanging. I don't want it to be over, but he's very insecure right now, which probably has something to do with the fact that he's going to Iraq. I wish I never would have brought it up, but now I have and I have to do something about it. If he really wants to break up, should I just let go? Does anyone have any ideas about what I could say or do to make him realize how much he means to me? This has been consuming me for the past few days. I really don't want it to end between us. If you would like more of an explanation on anything, please feel free to ask.

Noel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: nekrette
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 2:13am

it sounds like he has made his choice. I don't know why - i don't know why he feels he is destined to be alone - i do't know why he has problems with all his relationships - but that is his choice.


sorry. I am sure you are worried, and I am sure you would like to give him support while he is in iraq, but you can't force him to be in a relationship.


tell him you understand, tell him you would like to "keep in touch", maybe keep it casual for a while. and see what happens. maybe if the pressures are off, he will feel better.


good luck