Can I keep my bestfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Can I keep my bestfriend?
5
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 11:28am
Ok I am a female. My bestfriend is a male. (NO SEX AT ALL BETWEEN US) We have been bestfriends for 3 years now. Now the problem. I think I am in love with him. He is not in love with me. I try to not be but I find myself jealous over other women and mad at stupid stuff. I am hurting so much because of this. Is there anyway I can keep my bestfriend and get over it at the same time or is the only way to stop the hurting is to loose my bestfriend?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 12:46am
Are you able to restore your "best friend" emotions/thoughts/images and continue in a relationship without constantly thinking about how to get him to be something more? If so, then yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sun, 06-20-2004 - 9:36pm
How do you know he is not in love with you?

How would he feel if he saw you dating other people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 1:21pm
I was best friends with a girl for 2 years. Fell in love with her and watched her go through a bad relationship. And I was jealous of the guys she went out with. Then a few months later we just kind of fell together. I knew she was feeling something, too. Dated for 2 years. It was fantastic - but we've since split up. Check out my other postings for the story if you want. We both feel that it is important that we remain friends, but the pain is too strong right now to be as close as we were , if we even CAN get back to that close of a friendship again. SO now I'm living without my best friend until I can heal. We've talked eight times this past month. That's it. And it hurts and I miss her. But I am so happy that one day 2 years ago I told her how I felt. And I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 5:09pm
Hi. If you're truly best friends, I agree with the previous reply and think that you can let your friend know how you feel. If he feels the same, great!! But if he feels like staying just friends, it will hurt, I know, but it will be much better for you in a long run. If he wants to be just friends, I would TEMPORARILY stop seeing him and start meeting/go out with other people. In time, you may find love with someone else and your relationship with your best friend could be restored then.

I know that everyone is different, but for me it feels more natural to let a man initiate a relationship. Once you share with him how you feel, let him pursue you if he chooses, but I would not pursue him.

Best wishes!

sdgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 8:54am
Thanks everyone for your replies. You are all great. I dont think he loves me but he is a big part of my life. I guess it will be better to tell him and be hurt and heal then to hold on and drag the hurt out. Take care all.