Can I live with his bitterness?
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Can I live with his bitterness?
| Tue, 06-15-2004 - 9:35am |
I have posted on here before but I have another problem with my husband. We have been back together since March. We separated for 10 months. For 2-3 years, we had a tough time with him getting laid off from his job, his grandparents dying and my father dying, and his college classes, new baby, etc. After going through all of this, he has become quite bitter. Don't get me wrong, I can understand completely why he feels like this. However, he becomes negative about things and throws "temper tantrums" every now and then, throwing things, when things frustrate him. I can't handle it. We have a 4 year old son and he doesn't need to see what his father is doing when he gets upset. I am a totally laid back person and went through all of those things, AND lost my father, with my husband. I feel drained. I thought that trying a 2nd time to get back together with my husband would be a positive step in the right direction. I'm just not sure anymore. I try to get him to calm down or relax but it is like trying to get a bull to settle down! Even our son's sitter noticed when he gets frustrated. She mentioned anger management classes to me. I don't know. My husband doesn't think that anything is wrong with him and that this is just normal. His mom is the same way though.
Should I try to stick around and have him go to anger management? We have been to a marriage counselor but that didn't end up doing too well. I don't want us to go through another crisis, which may be coming soon, and have my husband verbally/mentally abuse me again. I just don't know what to do anymore and I want to make sure that my son has a stable and happy life.
Thanks.
J

The couples counselling didn't work. Another flag. The babysitter suggested anger managment. Another flag. His mom is the same way. Another flag. Her son learned from her example and your son is learning from his, every day. He'll think this is normal and will treat his gf's and wives this way, too. It's up to you to break that cycle for your baby.
Then I read: "I don't want us to go through another crisis, which may be coming soon, and have my husband verbally/mentally abuse me again." You see that this is abuse. That's good. These tantrums and throwing things are to instill fear and control through physical means. This is how physical abuse begins. How much do you know about the dynamics and the cycle of abuse and abusers themselves?
Get the book - "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. It is by far the best book I've read on the subject. Also come over to the Recognizing and Dealing with Domestic abuse board. There's tons of info on the homepage and reading and posting will help you understand exactly what you are dealing with. Everyone there has been in, or still is in, the exact place you are right now. We all had to ask ourselves the tough questions you are asking. Please go and at least lurk.
Keep looking up^, Susan.
J