Can I regain his trust?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Can I regain his trust?
2
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 3:00pm
I need help! I've moved out to MA where I know no one except for my boyfriend - to see if we like it enough to live with each other. Everything was going great, looking for apartments, talking marriage, etc. Last night my boyfriend happened to come across an email I had sent to a guy that I had chatted with - once for like an hour or so - what's worse is for no apparent reason I had sent the guy a photo of myself and mistakenly and sent the wrong photo. So basically I accidentally sent the guy a dirty photo. To top it off my boyfriend has trust issues - I've never cheated on him, never done anything to suggest that I have been remotely unfaithful. On occasion I've lied to him; My lies have been about really miniscule things. Now he's decided that he's done and wants nothing to do with me. I'm desperate to keep him and our relationship. Any suggestions on how I can earn his trust back? I just need advice, any kind of advice will be SO, SO VERY helpful.

Thanks~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:56pm

you have done things that proved to him that you are untrustworthy, and you may NOT be able to save THIS relationship. problem is, as far as i can see, that you are not "really sorry" for what you did - yhou are only sorry that "you were caught". and there is a world of a difference.


you lie. you sent some guy you barely know a dirty pic of yourself. ask yourself this - why SHOULD He trust you? would YOU trust yourself?


you need to decide - if YOU are ok with yourself the way you are, then don't change anything - but you need to find yourself people who are like you. if you are NOT ok with yourself the way you are - and not because "this relationship is working out" but because you understand that this is NOT a good way to be - then get yourself some professional help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 2:17pm
Hon, many women post here about their guys lying to them about little things and wondering if it means they will lie about big things.

Last night my boyfriend happened to come across an email I had sent to a guy that I had chatted with - once for like an hour or so -

If he was chatting with another woman online and exchanging emails, how would you feel?


what's worse is for no apparent reason I had sent the guy a photo of myself and mistakenly and sent the wrong photo. So basically I accidentally sent the guy a dirty photo.

For NO APPARENT REASON, oh yeah, there was a reason, you liked this guy's attention, you wanted to feel good about yourself, you liked that this complete stranger wanted to see what you looked like.....and there are no accidents - I think this happened so you could see that your behavior was inappropriate from the first time you chatted with the guy, that it was wrong to even think about sending a pic to a complete stranger and you got caught so your boyfriend would be able to express his doubts, face his fears (which you confirmed he has a reason to have trust issues with you) If the roles were reversed how would you feel?

And you admit that you lie - why? Lying is unacceptable to people with integrity. It's not something they want to have in their life. He's telling you that your choices, behavior, actions, decisions are unacceptable to him, incompatible with his values, morals and incompatible with what he wants in his life and it's perfectly reasonable that he decides this for himself.

What can you do? If you are serious, work on you. Fix the character flaws that are incompatible with life with him. Tell him you will go to counseling to work on you. Actions speak louder than words. But since your values help you justify your behavior, meaning you don't see what you did as a big deal, then maybe you better start looking to move.


Carrie