Can it be saved?
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Can it be saved?
| Thu, 04-03-2008 - 8:59pm |
First let me give you a little background. B and I met in July of 06, he deployed overseas in Dec 06. In those few months I fell madly in love with this man and his son. We are talking love at first sight. He made me feel good about myself and actually loved me for me.
Everything was good while he was gone until he came home on leave in November. He stayed at my house the whole two weeks, but I just felt like a warm body to sleep with. I didn't want to upset him so I didn't say anything to him about it. Then he got his laptop and started talking a lot to one girl in particular about things you don't talk about with friends. I was hurt and he knew it, but he didn't know why. I didn't want to ruin his time home and kept it all inside. Big mistake I know. But after he left he stopped calling, emailing, IM'ing. He used to call me two or three times a week, and IM me every single day. I decided I needed some time to figure out what was going on and told him I wanted a break. Of course this upset him, and to this day I don't think he fully understands why I did this. We have seen eachother only twice since he returned from his tour in February. Neither time did we have enough time to really talk about things. I emailed him an email a few weeks ago telling him everything I have ever wanted to say but was too scared to tell him. He never emailed me back. I am scared to death to lose him for good. I mean, we were planning a wedding and everthing. I just keep beating myself up over breaking up with him. Everyone tells me it was the right thing to do since he treated me like he did in November. But still I feel awful. I don't sleep well at all because I miss him being next to me. I mean, I really really miss him. I know that deployments take a toll on relationships, but all I want is a chance to make it right again! I want to sit down with him but he keeps finding some excuse to not talk about it. He tells me he misses me and I know his son misses me too. That's another thing. His son and I built this relationship while he was deployed. He is 4 and he keeps telling me he wants me to be his mom. It breaks my heart. I really love him and can't picture anyone else raising him except me and B. So I guess the question is, what can I do to make B realize how much I love him and really want to spend the rest of my life with him?
Everything was good while he was gone until he came home on leave in November. He stayed at my house the whole two weeks, but I just felt like a warm body to sleep with. I didn't want to upset him so I didn't say anything to him about it. Then he got his laptop and started talking a lot to one girl in particular about things you don't talk about with friends. I was hurt and he knew it, but he didn't know why. I didn't want to ruin his time home and kept it all inside. Big mistake I know. But after he left he stopped calling, emailing, IM'ing. He used to call me two or three times a week, and IM me every single day. I decided I needed some time to figure out what was going on and told him I wanted a break. Of course this upset him, and to this day I don't think he fully understands why I did this. We have seen eachother only twice since he returned from his tour in February. Neither time did we have enough time to really talk about things. I emailed him an email a few weeks ago telling him everything I have ever wanted to say but was too scared to tell him. He never emailed me back. I am scared to death to lose him for good. I mean, we were planning a wedding and everthing. I just keep beating myself up over breaking up with him. Everyone tells me it was the right thing to do since he treated me like he did in November. But still I feel awful. I don't sleep well at all because I miss him being next to me. I mean, I really really miss him. I know that deployments take a toll on relationships, but all I want is a chance to make it right again! I want to sit down with him but he keeps finding some excuse to not talk about it. He tells me he misses me and I know his son misses me too. That's another thing. His son and I built this relationship while he was deployed. He is 4 and he keeps telling me he wants me to be his mom. It breaks my heart. I really love him and can't picture anyone else raising him except me and B. So I guess the question is, what can I do to make B realize how much I love him and really want to spend the rest of my life with him?



I think you've already lost him.
You're also sorely mistaken if you think that trying to convince him that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him is the way to win him back. His feelings are his own, your feelings belong to you. They're not going to change his mind.
He's not interested in talking to you anymore. He's made that very clear to you. I bet he misses you but he was hurt and does not want a relationship anymore. In order to get through to someone and hear what he has to say, he has to be willing to talk to you and he's not. There simply is no other way.
Maybe in time he will want to speak with you about this but at this point I think you should let him be with the knowledge that you are around if he wants to talk again. I really wish you the best of luck.
I don't know what you want to salvage from here...he's crossing lines around other friends that are girls, he's back pedaling, he's ignored a pouring out of your heart. If someone wants out, they want out and you have to accept that.
"That's wonderful that you have a relationship with his child, but that can continue without a romantic relationship with the father, right?"
I agree 100% - I think that you feel sad about the boy.
Honestly, I think the best thing you can do is to stay away completely from him and his son.