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| Sun, 11-30-2003 - 3:12pm |
as improbable as this relationship might be - it has been wonderful for both of us. however, she suddenly seems intent on halting it. we literally went from 150 miles an hour to zero overnight. I haven't seen or talked to her in five days. i am stunned by the completeness and suddeness of this. When she was telling me she was breaking up, she made it clear that she thought any attempt to discuss my feelings about this was perceived by her as trying to "persuade" her to stay with me and it clearly put even more distance between us. I haven't called her since then, for five days now, and she has made no attempt to reach me.
I don't want to lose her -- and I don't think that reminding her of our love and the rare intensity of our feelings and how it can be difficult in life to come across two people so perfect for each other in every way expect the age and previous marital history -- should be someonw perceived as manipulative. I'm afraid if I do try to talk to her that she will refuse, not answer, say no, refuse to see me, etc. I just can't understand how it wnet so downhill so fast.
Any ideas on what, if anything, I can do? I am truly heartbroken and distraught about this ....

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Hi
Welcome to the board.
I don't know how you're going to know what is going on with her unless she opens up.
Wow....it sounded like you just described my problem but in reverse.
Hi and thanks for your reply and understanding. Since I don't much choice, I will wait as long as I can and see what happens. She has a birthday coming up next week and I was thinking that I would ask her if she wanted to go out. This is going to be very tough. She is a good woman -- i think b/c of our age and other differences, she is inclined to think that despite what we have, i am not the man of her future and therefore she needs to reconsider our relationship no matter how good it is/was. i wish there was a way to get through the day(s) easier. the absence of the routines, phone calls, etc., are really hard to deal with. i sent her flowers yesterday with a note that said miss you. she called me last night to let me know that she recieved them, that she was back from her holiday trip, that this was really tough for her, etc., but that she needed time and space. it made me feel better to hear from her - but i know there are many difficult times ahead as i can't pursue her and have to wait and see if she wants to come back. what do you think of me pursuing another woman who has expressed interest in me. i feel i need this to help me get over thinking about my girlfriend. i'm not looking to get "involved" with this other person -- just go out and try to have some fun.
Question: during this past year, in hindsight - never at one time did she ever let on that her interest in you & this relationship was swaying? Did the topic of you martial status or age difference ever come up in the beginning stages of this relationship - or at any time for that matter? What about her home life - what about her family? Did she ever talk about their perception of you or this relationship?
Unfortunately, there are several variables that can come into play as far as what happened on her end? It could be family - perhaps that were frowning on this romance and their disapproval became way too much for her to handle, although they city out of town, they are still her family. It could also be another person - perhaps an old flame for her past or a new person who is closer to her age, someone she feels that she has a connection with, sees a long term future with this person.
Regardless, at this point - you have to work on getting thru this somehow. I know that this is easier said than done but you have to move forward. The fact that she refuses for you to express your feelings does lead me to believe that perhaps her "hand was forced" into this decision and hearing your feelings could make her realize how much she is hurting you by making this decision. Does that make sense?
Honestly, I don't think that this relationship is over. When I was reading your message, I didn't think "oh yeah, it's over..." My initial thought was "she just needs some space."
If I was in your position, I would just give her all the time and space that she needs. I think that if you try to force yourself on her, it will push her away even further and cause her to alienate herself even further from you. I know that the pain seems absolutely unbearable at times, but you just have to move on with life.
For what it's worth, I do wish you the best of luck!
As far as seeing this other woman goes, you can do what ever you want...you are no longer in a relationship with your gf (she made that clear). Keep in mind that if your gf does come around, and you want to try and patch things up, you seeing someone else "so soon" or at all will be an additional problem for you guys. I can already hear it, "if you really loved me, you wouldn't WANT to date anyone else, especially so soon". Stupid logic, I know, since she's the one who ended things, but very common response to theses things. So be prepared. Anyway, go have fun. What else can you do? Sit around and wait for her when you have no clue if she'll even be back? I think not. JMHO.
I'm sorry you're hurting and I hope you feel better soon. Good luck.
Hi
First off, I wouldn't call her about her birthday.
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