Can It Get Any Better?
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| Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:12pm |
Married: Well over a decade
Children: One daughter
His issues: habitual lying, passive-aggressive, avoids true intimacy
Her issues: raped by his brother first year of marriage, verbally snide when angry
My Marital Issues: Husband has a sex addiction consisting of excessive pornography (even goes so far as to view at work on work hours), spouse had an affair 4 years ago, spouse refuses to confront problems and often lies to avoid conflict of any kind, spouse disrepects reasonable boundaries within a relationship, spouse encouraged drug/alcohol use to "enhance sex life", spouse joined swinger sites and gay sites, spouse is irresponsible with money, spouse refused to be there when I had cancer, spouse has all female friends, two male friends and all within the ages of 18-27, spouse is extremely critical, spouse is a workaholic, spouse made constant comparisons of me to other women....
His marital issues: I got cancer, responsibilities began to feel like obligations, did not feel wife accepted him for who he is, felt wife was unsupportive of him wanting to have "fun", felt wife sided with daughter (age 10) too often (namely during times he lied to her and hurt her feelings), felt wife was more parental in regards to him...
Currently: Been through a seperation, trying to see what can come of another try, so far I am still feeling like I'm dealing with another child vs. an equal partner....Financial irresponsibility still at play, bankruptcy sounding more like a reasonable option, husband can't stand the idea of daughter being upset at him so he buys her things he can't afford, husband still making assumptions that I get angry at him "just because" vs. having a legitimate disagreement with an action of his, husband still avoiding conversations that would resolve conflict or misunderstandings, husband still seeking other people to fulfill him rather than investing into the betterment of his family life...
Can it get better or is it best to put an old horse down?

Carrie
So neither of you are emotionally balanced, mature, realistic, rational, reasonable, successful, secure or complete - why are you thinking combining all your problems, issues, and stress is giong to "straighten things out".
It just means that together you have more crap than ever to deal with, while not getting your needs met.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Yes, put the old horse down.
Sheri
However, a few quick checks are in order.
Make a list of all the ways he enhances your life. And all the ways he troubles it. This will tell you if you are better off with him or without.
Is he willing to go to counseling? That is a last ditch effort and final check.
If you decide to go without, get ready for the poop to hit the fan. You are going to have to deal with a whole slew of problems, including dealing with him and his anger, family members, finances and legalities.
Divorce does indeed fix one big overwhelming problem. But it also creates a thousand more.
I know because I have gone through this. But my boat has made it through the storm and I am now in quieter waters. I pray I never have to go through this again but I have no regrets. I am so strong in ways I never knew possible.
Believe in yourself and have faith that it will get better. There is always a better day around the corner. You certainly deserve better than what you have gotten. And you will find it!!