Can looks decide a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2008
Can looks decide a relationship?
4
Fri, 01-18-2008 - 11:45pm

Hi,

My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we had a kid 3 months back. My hair has been graying for the last 2 year and I am afraid I have quite a bit of gray hair. My husband was very disappointed about that. I promised I would color it as soon as I stopped breastfeeding and he has reconciled with it after a few months. I am having post pregnancy hair loss now and my husband swears I am balding now.
He says a guys needs a pretty wife. He says he reconciled with my gray hair but he is not prepared to tolerate my hair fall. He asks me "Do you think I am an idiot to put up with this?". He points out my flaws on a daily basis. I feel miserable. He even brought up divorce one day.
I put up with all the flaws that he has. Should flaws be just physical? Can a relationship fail because of this?
I don't want to lose my marriage because of my hair. But I am beginning to wonder whether it is worth putting up with all the horrible things he says to me for the sake of my child. Please advise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 1:00am

Welcome to the board rcs1000,


I feel so bad for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 2:35am

if you had cancer and due to chemotherapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 9:15am
This is just my opinion and please take it with a grain of salt. Many times men will point out our physical flaws because of other reasons. He could want to make himself feel better. Maybe there are other things in the relationship that he doesnt' like but either doesn't realize it or doesn't know how to say it. Yes men are driving by sight but most married men that love their wives, who just had their baby , will not point out physical flaws. Please don't let him bring down you self esteem because he is the one being the jurk. I had a baby 5 months ago, my hair was in such a mess after the baby I had to cut it all off (short style) it takes time for our bodies to recover and if you are breastfeeding it can take a bit longer ( I commend you on breastfeeding, I think it is great that you are willing to give yourself to your baby).
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 01-19-2008 - 10:08am

If he thought your appearance wasn't going to change after having children then yes, he is a complete idiot.

If he starts to talk that way about you I suggest you leave the room and not tolerate these things he says about you. If he really wants a divorce, then let him serve it. It wouldn't be about your hair, it would be about a petty, small man who is unable to accept the slightest change. If he will go to marriage counseling with you then I think you should make the effort, but I'm inclined to say that he's just a horrible person and you can do better.